Lean Not Unto Thine Own Understanding
(Christmas '07)
Merry Christmas? One bad disk, or one's inability to understand basic technology finds me writing my Christmas letter the day after Christmas for '07. Oh, I had it written. But when I went to put it on SJ’s computer to print it off (she has the only printer), I couldn't retrieve it from the disk to which I had saved it.
When I prayed about it, I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Tell them about Me." I'm guessing that means the Holy Spirit wants me to share some things which happened this year which are undoubtedly God. The title is taken from the third chapter of the Book of Proverbs verse five which reads, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding." Also, I'd like to insert another scripture which I have also been frequently reminded of this past year. It is Numbers 23:19, "God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?"
I remembered in '06 praying for rain for our area because we were not getting the rains in our region just like parts of the southeast have suffered this year. One day I said, "Lord, our lake is starting to get pretty low. Are you going to bring us some rain?" The Lord said, "Is it empty?" I replied, "Well, no." Then HE said, "Don't worry about it." And after that I really didn't worry about it because I knew HE knew, and all things work together for good to them who love God.
Like last year, I asked the Lord how much he wanted me to set aside for a Passover offering. HE told me the amount, and I have to admit I wasn't sure I was going to be able to come up with the money because HE also told me when to send it and to whom. But, low and behold, I was asked to do some work for somebody in Jan. '07. I also used Christmas money I had gotten in '06. I came up with the amount and was able to send it on the last day HE told me to. After putting the check in the mail, I came home, thanked God HE provided the way and the means, and then I heard "a Word"; deliverance. I'm still not entirely sure what HE meant by it.
By the standards of man, it has been a good year. By the standard for which I desire to stay connected to the Lord, it ain't been to good. It isn't God's fault because he delivers. I, on the other hand, have not spent the kind of quality time with God like I did since May of '04. I started going down hill in May after I wrote a letter to the editor of a local paper. I think the Lord told me not to do it, but I thought it was the devil because I was doing it with the best of intentions. In the letter, I asked the homosexual community to forgive me if I had ever made them feel like I had judged them using John chapter 8 as the basis for the letter. I also stated that I was handing out a tract from my workplace because I wanted people to know God really does love all of those who were created in HIS image.
Apparently, according to what someone in my church told my pastor who then related the basics of the information to me, there were several individuals who frequent a local bulletin board who wanted to see me fired from my job. I basically blew it off and didn't worry about it, but realized I had given some amount of thought to it when I let a spirit of fear get a hold of me. I stopped handing out the tract shortly after learning of the hoop-la over the letter. Had I never submitted the letter, I might have still been passing them out. Lean not unto thine own understanding.
I started handing out the tract, which is a story in itself, last year around Christmas time. Shortly before the tract was printed I had a vision while standing in my bedroom one fall afternoon. I saw a small boat being tossed about violently in a storm, and these words came to me, "It is not going to be easy." Then I saw the Lord and heard one word, "Peace." I really didn't give the vision a whole lot of thought until what happened after sending the letter to the paper. As I write, I find it difficult to witness to others about how God has changed my life. I should have listened to that "still, small voice", but I did it with all the best intentions. I did not however, pray about it before doing so. I'm still learning that particular aspect, because I'm still screwing up, or so it seems. I'm still haunted by the unclean spirit of fear.
As I stated earlier, it was a good year in one respect. The work on the side which the Lord provided on my days off doubled over last year. From April through July, I was busy doing yard work for someone else practically every day I had off. And, the firewood business which I dedicated solely to the Lord didn't let up either even after winter had ended. I made several deliveries of wood bundles to a store where many people camping out stop to buy various items. God's Word works. From every new yard I was asked to mow, I gave the entire amount to an organization which feeds hungry children. Thereafter, I gave anywhere from 15% to 25% of the money to the Lord's work on money I earned from repeat business. And every week, I was working for somebody most of the summer until August first.
On the first of August, the rain stopped which meant the grass stopped growing. While praying one day, the Lord said to me, "Lean time." For the entire month of August I didn't have one single job on my days off. I also realized, I hadn't been spending the kind of quality time with the Lord like I should have been. My prayer time didn't have the same zeal, and my bible reading was almost nonexistent. I was ever reminded of the verse, "To them who hath, more is given; to them who hath not, more is taken away." The more I put other things ahead of God, the less I had a desire to read the Word of God. I am still struggling with trying to read the Bible with any kind of regularity.
But I was blessed this year which also brings me back to the theme. A brother of Christ sold me a car for an unbeatable price. But I'm not sure I would have received it had I not been faithful prior to taking possession of it. One mid Sept. Saturday night, not really any different than any other night I work, a guy whom I had never met came into the store. As we conversed, he eventually told me that he had come to see the replica of the tabernacle in the wilderness erected on the Passion Play property. I told him he had missed his opportunity to see it that day and would not have another opportunity to do so until the next Tuesday since they were closed Sun. and Mon.
It wasn't particularly busy that night either, so I was able to talk to the gentleman much more than if I had had a steady stream of customers. He told me that he lived in Oklahoma City and had come to see the tabernacle after having seen Paula White and Steve Munsey doing a program on TBN from inside the tent. As I learned more about him, I found out he had made the drive to E.S. on a whim. I felt somewhat bad for him, thinking he would have to turn around and go back home. He didn't go back home. He didn't have a home to go back to.
The guy's name is Michael. He is a homeless Vietnam Vet that came to know the Lord after being divorced, addicted to alcohol, and losing his only son. When I pressed him to tell me how he came to know Jesus he said, "One day I picked up a bible my ex-wife had given me and just started reading it." Not entirely convinced, I pressed him further by asking him how he had gotten saved. You see, I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit on certain occasions when speaking to other individuals about Jesus, but not one time did I ever feel the Holy Spirit's presence around Michael. Not one single time. As to how Michael was saved, he said, "There was a church close to where I was living in San Diego, so one day I just went. It was one of those "holy-roller" churches with all the shouting, clapping, speaking in tongues and stuff. At the end of the service, the preacher asked if there was anyone who would like to be baptized. As I sat in church watching and listening to all that ruckus, I felt like he was talking directly to me. So I got up and walked up to the front, and I got baptized." Michael also got set free from alcohol.
Now to be honest, I was confused spiritually. I had no doubt Michael was telling me the truth every time I spoke to him which ended up being about two and a half weeks. But yet, as I mentioned earlier, neither did I ever sense the Holy Spirit when we were together talking. And boy, did he talk. I liked Michael while he was in the area and would still be pleased to see him again.
When Michael showed up, I was going through a period of time when I had a lot on my mind and no one to talk to who is a Christian. Yes, I know quite a few brothers and sisters in Christ, but they are always busy, or I don't always feel comfortable expressing what is going on in my own spiritual walk with the Lord. In short, I was lonely for some Christian company.
Michael had enough money when he came to town to put himself up for the first night. The second night, a church put him up for the night in a motel. The third night, I invited him to stay on our property, but he would have to sleep in his truck. I knew SJ was not going to be comfortable with having a complete stranger stay in our home. I did tell her though about Michael coming to stay on the property. It did cause some contention between us, but she eventually came around to the point of agreeing to let him stay in the house. The Holy Spirit eventually began to convict her heart. But Michael could feel the tension and chose to stay in his truck.
The fifth day Michael was in town, I went to church on Wednesday morning as is my normal habit to pray alone. When I spoke to the Lord about Michael, the Lord said, "Encourage him, give him one hundred dollars, and let him go." I said, "Lord, you know I don't have a hundred dollars to give him, and why can't he stay?" No answer. Michael had gone to church with me that morning, having seen the tabernacle the day before. But he stayed in the lobby the entire time. I also received "a Word" from the Lord concerning where Michael should go once he left E.S. I told him, and also told him I had no idea what it meant or what awaited him. Before leaving church that day, I noticed Pastor was in his office. I asked him if he knew where Michael could stay for a few days until he figured out what and/or where he was going to go next. He said there was a men's shelter in town sponsored by the Here's Help Network out of St. Louis. It is housed in the Christian radio station outside of town which is owned by the network. Michael had a place to stay. And he ended up staying there a week.
As it so happened, I received a firewood order, mowed two lawns, and did a clean-up job which netted me about one hundred dollars within the week. But I didn't feel right about giving the money for the wood order to Michael because the Lord had told me earlier in the year what to do with the money from firewood sales. I also spent some of the money for gas and snacks to do the rest of the work. The following Sunday when Michael came into where I worked to pick up a shirt which he had left at our home after doing laundry, I slipped an envelope into the shirt with seventy-five dollars after having given him ten dollars the previous week to go see the tabernacle. I was almost able to do what God told me to do. I had also come to terms with not encouraging Michael to stay in the area. I spoke to him one time after that when he came over to the house to thank me for the money. I told him the truth, "The Lord told me to give it to you." I learned later, after not seeing Michael around, he may have gone to the Fayetteville area. All things work for good....; lean not unto thine own understanding.
A couple weeks later, I began grumbling about the fact that my truck needed new tires. I even heard myself blaming the church which I attend. Later that day, the pastor brought me some Little Debbie Zebra cakes. Well, I guess I could no longer say they had never done anything for me. It was a low moment for me because the Lord had been telling me after I had been asking for a newer truck that, "It is coming." I found myself saying, "Coming when?" The Lord would frequently remind me, "Do what I tell you to do." In my mind, I had been. I had been faithful in giving even when I had doubts, but still I gave.
A couple of days later, the assistant pastor asked me if some people I go to church with had gotten a hold of me. I told him they hadn't. The very next Sunday after my spiritual complaining, a couple from church walked up to me and told me the Lord had told them to give me a car. I was......speechless. But being the stupid creation that I have been known to be, I said quietly to the Lord, "Lord, I want a truck." Have you ever been verbally thumped by God?
I told the couple okay and thank you. I did some serious praying. You see, between the time Michael had left and before I was told this couple was going to give me a car, I had been praying for the ability to sow a sizeable seed into the Kingdom of God. Sometimes the seed doesn't always come in a neat little package which can then be planted. I said, "Lord, what do you want me to do with this car, and how do I accept the gift?" The Lord said, "Accept the car in my Name." So that is what I did. I went out to the couple's home, paid the asking price, and told them, "In the Name of Jesus, thank you for the car." But I still didn't know what to do with the car. The Lord said, "You will know when it is time." But I pressed, and I was rebuked. "Lord, I want a newer truck. And I want to be able to sow a big seed into your Kingdom. I also need money to pay the taxes on this year's blessing." The response was quick and to the point, "Sell the car, sow the seed, and I'll give you a truck!" I got humble real quick. So I asked the Lord how much I should sell the car for. HE said, "You set the price." So I started thinking, fifteen hundred, two thousand, twenty-five hundred. Then the Lord spoke again, "Don't be greedy." Okay, fifteen hundred it is.
Now I realize to most of you to whom I'll be sending this letter, this is nothing out of the ordinary. I assume you understand as I do, God wants to have a relationship with us, HIS creation. But we all have to go through the learning process ourselves to know how to have the kind of relationship God wants to have with each of us. The uniqueness of our personalities is no accident. All our individual spirits were created by the vastness of God's Spirit. I think that is one facet of the verse, "And he created us in his image." However, what HE also wants to create in us by the work of the Holy Spirit through faith in Christ Jesus is to trust HIS knowing in what is best for us individually. I believe that is one reason why it seems there is such a disparity in believers. It isn't that we don't believe. It is that where one may be strong in one fruit of the Spirit another is weak and vice versa. I think we make a mistake when we believe others should believe and live as we do. Instead, I believe what we should be doing is help when you can and let the Holy Spirit do the work in the individual. I've got a funny feeling God is a whole lot better at changing people than we are.
If you happen to be going through a season where you've been giving, giving, giving and have yet to see the results, I'd like to share something with you which the Lord spoke to me this past summer. HE said, "As I have blessed you to be a blessing unto others, I have blessed others to be a blessing unto you." From my own experience, you can pretty much bet your blessing and the form in which it comes will not look like you expect or come from where you expected.
It was an interesting year. And though I am not where I want to be with Jesus in this life, Praise the Lord! I'm not where I was.
Jesus Is Lord,
Mike Baruth |
