Norm: Re: Early retirement package ...
You're thinking of leaving? Say it ain't so!
If your cushy job as Vice President of Investor Relations is proving too much for you to handle, just let me know and I'll OK the hiring of 2 or 3 Assistant VP's for you.
Your commitment to fleecing the public with overly stated claims of quality and capability is what makes this company tick. We've made tremendous strides in the past few days because of your efforts. Now that we've got it going, you want to leave? Why, that's just too much for this old man to take. You've hurt my feelings. I thought we were all part of a happy family. A family with a very large per capita income, I might add. Where else can you go and do absolutely nothing productive for the kind of salary you get here at FBN?
Don't tell me that your somewhat suspect statements you've been telling people have finally begun to eat at your insides. Some people just aren't cut out to continually mislead people into giving up their money. If this is the case with you, may I suggest you strive even harder to do absolutely nothing? That should relieve the problem.
Your new Assistant VP's should be on board within the hour. There's no end to the line of people waiting to get on board FBN prior to the IPO. They all want to get those really cheap shares.
Uh ... you don't think they need any special experience in their backgrounds, do you? I mean, all they have to do is lie to people. Seems like we could scan the resumes for "Used Car Sales" experience. That should work.
Please stay with us, Norm. We've grown fond of you.
By the way, I'm afraid old Sane Bacchus won't be joining our company. It seems he has one of those work ethic problems. He likes to actually produce stuff. So, he's no longer in consideration for any position in our rapidly growing firm.
Regards,
TEDennis, CEO
Fly By Night Associates
Aggressively Impacting America's Productivity |
