NEWSFLASH - NEW CFO ANNOUNCED!!!
Newzwire, 10/14/97 - In a press release issued by Data Dimensions (NASD: DDIM), CEO Larry Martin announced that the search for a new CFO is now over. Starting Tuesday, October, 15th, duties of the Chief Financial Officer will be performed by Snap, the cartoon elf on the Rice Crispies cereal box.
"We were a little embarrassed that the search took so long," said Mr. Martin. "But tough decisions do not come quickly, and we had three equally qualified candidates". Both Crackle and Pop were reportedly also up for consideration for the esteemed position. Kelloggs shareholders have expressed concern that his new job will impair the ability of Snap to devote adequate time to his duties there. Snap has soothed these concerns with a statement that his duties at DDIM "shouldn't take too long".
Crackle and Pop declined to comment aside from saying that they wished Snap the best of luck in his new endeavor. However, sources state that Crackle has expressed that Snap's only qualifying trait was his ability to keep a straight face during the practice earnings announcements. Bad blood is no stranger to Crackle and Snap, as evidenced by the recent Marshmallow Treat commercial fiasco.
Kellogs officials, when questioned as to whether this could lead to a marketing partnership between the two companies, stated...
"We have discussed the inclusion of an Ardes2K CD-ROM within each box of Rice Crispies. The form factor is good, however, we like to created added value with our free give-aways... something that is useful."
This decision may be premature, though, as rumors have been circulating that Tony the Tiger is on the short list for Chief Operating Officer. |
