Till Disloyalty Do Us Part
Marriages are neither made nor dissolved overnight, and make no mistake about it, the relationship between a parishioner and his minister is something of a spiritual union. This is why those who say Barak Obama waited too long to divorce himself from Rev. Jeremiah Wright have no appreciation for how wrenching the experience of spiritual separation can be.
I can’t speak to the particulars of the bond these two men developed over the past 20 years, but as a former parish minister I can say with certainty that these kinds of relationships carry their own unique level of intimacy. As ministers we are brought into people’s lives at their zeniths and at their nadirs. We wed them, baptize their children, counsel them through difficult times, bury their parents. We hear confessions that might not be heard by any other human being. We lend a compassionate ear to their fears about the future, their doubts about the existence of God, their anger at the enormous and seemingly irreconcilable pain that exists in the world.
We also preach to them, parsing scripture in a way that might make them uncomfortable one Sunday and inspired the next. Some of the things we say they will applaud, some they will disagree with, some they will be offended by, some they will simply pay no mind to. Like a marriage, the relationship will have its quarrels. But they will be like lovers’ quarrels; grounded not in enmity but in mutual respect. It is precisely because we have lived through so much together that the quarrels will seek accommodation. They will not threaten the union but rather will be understood as the price that is paid when two people care passionately about faith but – at least as it is brought to bear on some issues – interpret it differently.
There is one thing, though, that almost no union can survive, and that is betrayal, and I think this is what finally ruptured the relationship between these two men. Wright’s most recent efforts either to exonerate or exalt himself have come at Obama’s expense. The minister put himself first and his parishioner second, and this is something we clergy must never do, because when we are ordained it is an ordination into service. In this instance, Obama was not served by his minister, which is why Wright no longer is his minister. It is also why there was so much anger and pain in Obama’s voice when he renounced Wright. Anger and pain are the feelings that attend divorce.
Their relationship took years to build; it was Obama’s right to dissolve it only when he saw fit.
Erik Kolbell is a United Church of Christ minister, formerly on the staff at The Riverside Church in New York City. He is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist. He is the author of three books: "What Jesus Meant," "Were You There," and "The God of Second Chances." All three are published by Westminster Press. |
