VS, I ran across something I'd never seen before but I'm sure you'll find it interesting. If you ever meet Kerry again you should take along a PB&J sandwich. And remember, aluminum foil inside a ziploc bag. Also notice your plain old Vaseline won't cut it, you need to switch to the Swedish stuff.
Kerry Campaigns With His Butler
Beacon Hill blue blood John Kerry likes to portray himself as the presidential candidate of the common man. But there’s one common man he finds indispensable on the campaign trail: his butler.
Like a scene out of the old British drama “Upstairs Downstairs,” Kerry would be helpless without his trusty manservant, Marvin Nicholson, by his side, ready to cater to his master’s every whim, according to the New York Times today.
“When he wants that peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I’m ready,” Nicholson told the Times.
Of Nicholson’s omnipresence on the campaign trail, the paper noted, “Mr. Kerry is comfortable being catered to.”
Like any good butler, Nicholson comes to his job well prepared to serve the Boston Brahmin politico at a moment’s notice.
Among the items Nicholson carries at all times:
• Loose change - apparently in case the husband of millionairess Teresa Heinz wants to leave one of his notoriously meager tips.
• Tylenol, Advil, Advil Liquid Gels and Advil Sinus pills - lest continuing questions about his Vietnam War record give him a migraine.
• Swedish hand cream - because good old American-made Vaseline Intensive Care just isn’t good enough.
• Halls cough drops - in case the silver spoon in Kerry’s mouth begins to irritate.
• A ziplock bag with Kerry’s favorite PB & J sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil.
• Scope mouthwash, Handiwipes, two packs of Band-Aids, a sewing kit, a can of diet milkshake [Kerry prefers strawberry], a tube of Blistex and a myriad of other accoutrements that the hoi poloi who can’t afford a butler must provide for themselves.
And for catering to the candidate’s every whim, the fabulously wealthy Heinz-Kerrys pay Nicholson a wildly generous (by Kerry’s standards) $45,000 annually.
Right now, VS is cursing "that Nicholson bitch". Hope passing this information on hasn't put Kerry's manservant in any danger. |
