'It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then
just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon
I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone -- 'to relax,' I told myself but I knew it wasn't
true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV
and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her
mother's. I began to think on the job.
I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir,
Confucius and Kafka.
I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, 'What is it
exactly we are doing here?' One day the boss called me in. He said,
'Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has
become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have
to find another job.' This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. 'Honey,' I confess,
'I've been thinking...' 'I know you've been thinking,' she said, 'and I want
a divorce!' 'But Honey, surely it's not that serious.' 'It is serious,' she
said, lower lip aquiver. 'You think as much as college professors and
college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we
won't have any money!' 'That's a faulty syllogism,' I said impatiently. She
exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with
the emotional drama.
'I'm going to the library,' I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed
for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking
lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't
open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster
caught my eye, 'Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?' it asked. You
probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous
poster. This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never
miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last
week it was 'Porky's.' Then we share experiences about how we avoided
thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot
better at home. Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped
thinking.
I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today I took the
final step........-.... I joined the Republican Party.' |
