<< 3M would be an incentive >>
3M also has a catchy ring to it.
IMO, this is the brightest idea I have heard in a long time.
It is so good that I am happy to announce that I have developed a solution and am ready to claim my prize! When do I get my check?
I know you are thinking "Well where is the Better Battery?"
Well, you know I cannot show it to you before I get money, it's not that I don't trust the government to pay up, it's just well, common business practice: You show me the money, I give you the battery, OK?
However, I am able to divulge the thought processes behind the solution.
Here's how I worked it out:
3M - this how it started, 3M what does it mean? 3M -> MMM -> 3M: Mo Money fo Me.
What could be better or MO FAIR than for each American to give one dollar to the grand prize winner who develops a solution for the country's ills? IMO, this is a small price to pay. Who can't spare one dollar? This is SMALL CHANGE to most folks.
Now, If Bama was not chicken to have a town hall, I could imagine the American people asking the following question:
"In Yo Opinion, what is the two BIG ISSUES facing the American Peoples today?"
And the following answers (embedded amongst many other words to pad to whatever allotted time is given plus a little over):
Bama: Folks need 1) HOPE and Folks need 2) MO CHANGE!
Old Guy: 1) Global Warming (GM) and 2) Country needs better battery (BB).
Now if they was to have a town hall and I was to hear this, (or were as the case may be (was-were it's all a matter of time or conjugation or whatever), remember this is all speculation on my part, I would think of the following:
I need a GRAND UNIFIED THEORY (GUT) to address all these issues. Plus very important it must also fit in with the overall 3M: MO MONEY fo' ME program.
Right, so now I try to keep my mind on the prize: a GUT for 3M. Now I wonder how is my mind able to come up with a GUT given that my mind seems to operate on a quantum level, that is, just seems to randomly jump from one thing to another? Well, in analyzing quantum events, one simply takes a weighted average of the various seemingly unrelated events(in this case thoughts), this produces some semblance of sense.
Right, so I decide to proceed. I need to come up with a BIG IDEA to solve the following : HOPE, CHANGE, GLOBAL WARMING, and BETTER BATTERY.
Now if the Democrats and Republicans would stop and think for a moment instead of yelling at each other, they would notice that there is something in common with all these idears.
Let's start with the last one BETTER BATTERY. One rule of solving difficult problems is to start at the end and work backwards, also known as the ask backwards approach. So we start with the last one. Now a better battery has a bigger CHARGE or a longer CHARGE. Now replace the R with an "N", what do you get? CHANGE! So our program could have a new slogan: CHARGE for CHANGE or variously, CHANGE for CHARGE. One small improvement along with banning incandescent bulbs, would be to get the panhandlers to change their signs from SPARE CHANGE? to SPARE CHARGE? as a free advertising ploy for the new better battery program. We could also get the Bama-ites to yell CHARGE! instead of CHANGE! at their campaign events, or use them interchangeably, CHANGE!/CHARGE!, similarly to how Ted Kennedy yells OSAMA!/OBAMA! when he gets exited.
Now what is a CHARGE anyway. Well, in basic physics, E=mc2, it's ENERGY. Now understand that most of the stuff running around in the universe is made of ENERGY specifically, DARK ENERGY, my recollection is around 60%. This means there is an ABUNDANCE AVAILABLE TO HARNESS.
Now ENERGY can be thought of as HEAT. Next time you charge one of your AAs , feel it and you will see it gets warm.
Well, its not the only thing getting warm around here. If you were like John McCain and were from Arizona instead of some Pinko place like Seattle, you would have noticed something lately, it's getting DANG HOT not just WARM but HOT. Especially as compared to , say, six months ago.
Now I bet the smarter of you folks have already deduced the COMMON THREAD in the GRAND UNIFIED THEORY of HOPE, CHANGE, WARMING, CHARGE.
HOPE, the man from HOPE, what was he full of?
Remember when he got elected all the BALLOONS! that were dropped, and playing that song "STOP THINKING ABOUT TOMORROW!" How excited everyone was?(CHARGED UP)
Think about transportation, early attempts at flight, BALLOONS!
What kind of BALLOONS did they use?
Hydrogen BALLOONS?
NOPE!
HOT AIR BALLOONS!
Folks, the COMMON THREAD in the GRAND UNIFIED THEORY is "HOT AIR".
When Bama is talking HOPE and CHANGE,
When the old man is talking WARMING and CHARGEing,
When I am saying 3M means Mo Money fo ME,
The Common thread is:
HOT AIR , HOT AIR, HOT AIR, HOT AIR
HA HA HA HA! |
