Internal Memo to all FBN Executives:
Hi, gang ... I'm sure you've heard by now that our Security chief solved the riddle of the corporate breakin and we now have all of our top secret stuff back where it belongs.
I wanted to update you on the progress of that mega-merger that I've been pursuing. I spent the weekend flying around the country meeting with the bigwigs from the 5 companies that we're in merger talks with (note: they think it's a merger, but we all know it's a leveraged buyout by FBN). All activities are going as planned.
We have to keep the pre-IPO activities at a fever pace so that Janice over at Skruem & Leevum will have to raise the opening price. The more valuable those shares are, the easier it will be to make the deal with our target acquisitions. So, keep up the double-talk, folks. We're almost there. As soon as we can IPO and then make the mega-merger happen, our personal stock holdings will be worth billions.
I forgot whose responsibility it is to "leak" the Oct 31 IPO date. But, whoever it is, please "leak" it some more. We have to keep this issue in front of all greedy investors out there.
On the home front, I have received a few complaints about the selection of cartoons that are shown during our afternoon naptime. It seems that we've rerun the same Bugs Bunny cartoons several times. I never noticed it, because by the time the Warner Brothers' logo has been shown for the first cartoon, I'm fast asleep. Rest assured, though, that I'll have MrB. take care of that problem. He's so busy (say what?) producing (huh?) those brilliant Marketing Communications masterpieces that he has forgotten to order new cartoons. I have requested that he include some Roadrunner cartoons in his next order.
Remember: All roads lead to nowhere, and absolutely nothing will keep us from getting there.
TED |
