*** FBN Product Catalogue ***
(The Original) FBN Suite-2000 (buy all four and save)
FBN 2000: Our flagship product. Designed with an open architecture that allows clients to choose from a variety of remediation options, such as bridging, sliding or fixed windows, French doors, encapsulation, polymorphism, recidivism or revitalization.
FBN Fixer 2000: A revolutionary biological code repair product. Web-based "date crawlers" will release themselves into source libraries at night while the code is resting, and repair the code according to the client's chosen remediation approach. FDA approved.
FBN Tester 2000: Thanks to FBN's wizards, FBN 2000 and FBN Fixer 2000 are so accurate, no testing software is necessary. However, FBN provides this product to allow FBN consultants to add perceived value to their services.
FBN Sim 2000: An interactive game that allows a business to model the impact to its bottom line from the dire consequences of using non FBN Year 2000 products.
Special bonus:
FBN Y2.1K: Get a head start on the year 2100.
====================
FBN Gold Medal Winner Series
FBN Prayer-2000: When the bells finally chime 1/1/2000, the world will hold its collective breath that the billions spent on fixing the millennium bug was money well spent. But why leave things to chance? Endorsed by the Vatican.
====================
FBN Global Solutions (by all three and save)
FBN 5760: Make Hebrew software year 5760 compliant.
FBN 1420: Assure Islamic software works in the year 1420.
FBN Celestial Seasonings: Remediate Chinese code that can't handle lunar eclipses.
====================
FBN Embedded Systems Value Pack (buy both and save)
FBN Sounder-2000: A modified Timex watch that uses subsonic sound impulses to determine if chips are Y2K compliant. Able to be updated from FBN's vast embedded systems database on its website. The airborne version works at altitudes of 10,000 feet and covers 15 square miles at a time.
FBN CD (Chip Doctor) 2000: Over 60% of the world's chips will self-destruct in the year 2000. Just put the buggy chip in FBN CD 2000, press the button, and voila!
====================
FBN Utilities (buy both and save)
FBN Linecount-2000: Has the boss already sold his soul to another Y2K company? Why get charged for unnecessary lines of code when you can append them all together?
FBN Comment-2000: Don't like you boss? Let Comment-2000 add oodles of unnecessary, but harmless lines of code to your software. Works only with FBN approved remediation products, sorry.
====================
FBN U.S. Government Solutions (God Bless America)
FBN Mobile Conversion Factories (MCFs): Can't bring the code to us? We'll come to you. The engines are 358 c.i. with Holley 750-830 CFM 4-Barrell Carburetors and capable of 720 hp @ 8500 rpm. This stuff is essential if we are ever forced to flee the scene, like, umm, when terrorists might want to blow us up. You can never be too careful when it comes to national security.
FBN Audit-2000: Designed especially for the IRS. Taxpayers file electronically to the FBN web-site where our software searches for the amount due, adds 2%, and sends back a letter telling them they underestimated their taxes.
====================
FBN Competition Killers
FBN Cowchip-2000 meter: A 12-ounce NC-based palmtop device running on 100% pure JAVA designed to sniff out bogus (i.e. non FBN) solutions to solving the Y2K "millennium bug" problem. The new gadgets utilize The Franklin Telecom Data/Voice Gateways (OTC/BB: FTEL) over a frame-relay link directly into FBN's web-site.
FBN 19FU: FBN's answer to the "other guys" 19TO Y2K product. Whereas "they" use the letter "T" to follow "9", FBN's superior technicians dug deeper and programmed a solution whereby "F" will follow "9".
====================
FBN Forbidden Pleasures
FBN Playboy 2000: Automatically remove those annoying staples from electronic Playboy calendars.
====================
FBN is ISO 9000 compliant, ITAA 2000 certified and a charter member of the Promise-Makers Society. |
