New Element Discovered
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, ObambiGovernmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since ObambiGovernmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of ObambiGovernmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete.
ObambiGovernmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, ObambiGovernmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that ObambiGovernmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, ObambiGovernmentium becomes ObambiAdministratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as ObambiGovernmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. |
