Tea Party Democrat Identified
April 17, 2009 · Filed Under Fox News, Media
The mystery is finally over.
During the Fox News Tea Parties™, Fox anchors and hosts assured viewers that the protests were not Republican nor conservative efforts. Glenn Beck and the rest of the Fox News team went to lengths to mention that the tax day demonstrations were apolitical that also included independents and Democrats.
Investigators were originally unable to locate any actual Democrats who had showed up at the Tea Parties but after an exhaustive probe of the participants, Mr. Elvin Kardos of Levittown, Pa were identified as the registered Democrat who attended the protest(s).
“The missus and I had actually only wanted to attend one, really just to take advantage of the free tea and Sweet and Low” said the 82 year old Kardos, “but when word got out that I had once voted straight Democrat in our Middletown Township primary, I received a call from a producer from Fox News to ask if I was interested in being shuttled to a number of them.”
According to Kardos that started a Wednesday swirl of private jets and limo transports to Tea Party sites accross the country.
“It was pretty pleasant,” said Mrs. Rose Kardos. “We and the Jeffersons, the nice black couple used at many of the protests, were treated like royalty. Glenn Beck’s private jet transported us around the country starting in Sacramento with Neil Cavuto, where we were mistook for Canadians by a number of protesters and asked to give up our Vietnam War AWOLS.”
Later in the day the couples were whisked to San Antonio and the Alamo.
“Mr. Beck couldn’t have been nicer,” said Mr. Kardos. “He entertained us by intermittently making funny faces then crying. He was like the goyish bipolar son we never had.”
“The Jeffersons had to stay in the limo at the San Antonio stop,” said Mr. Kardos. “Mr. Beck said it had something to do with sacred ground of the Alamo. At first we felt kind of bad but then he gave us Davy Crockett coonskin hats to bring back to the Jeffersons and we all had a laugh.”
The whirlwind of protests ended in Atlanta with Sean Hannity.
“I thought he was much cuter in person than on TV,” chuckled Mrs. Kardos, “But then Elvin explained that I was thinking of that nice Mr. Colmes.”
“Sean told us that we had been Hannitized but I thought he said circumcised,” said Mr. Kardos. “I asked how he could tell, he said that it happens every time a liberal spends three hours a day with him. I told him it only took a couple seconds with a mohel. He was impressed and wanted to get the mohel for Hannity’s America. When we finally straightened that out we all got a big laugh.”
The Kardos said that they were still thinking whether they would participate in the Fox News Tea Parties™ being planned for July 4th.
“Perhaps,” said Mrs. Kardos. “If they provide Kosher on the plane.” |
