Here's my list of people to be put in "Preventive Detention"
Larry Summers
Tim Geithner
Hank Paulson
Robert Rubin
Phil Gramm
Chris Dodd
Barney Frank
Alan Greenspan
Ben Bernanke
Arthur Levitt
James Leach
Jim Cramer
A-Rod
Britney Spears
Instead of pink jumpsuits they should all be made to wear pink thongs and tank tops. Place them two to a room, with Britney sharing a room with Barney, Cramer with Greenspan, and A-Rod with Geithner, and so on. Each room would have a closed circuit TV in it showing 24/7 interviews with Roubini, Nassim Taleb, Dr. Marc Faber, Jim Rodgers, George Soros, and Doug Noland.
Fannie-Boarding would be performed daily on all detainees. Fannie-Boarding is a form of waterboarding, but instead of water, detainees would have Fannie Mae paper dumped on them to simulate drowning. Fannie Mae mortgages, bonds, and common stock would be used.
The general public would be invited to leave personalized messages for each detainee, which would be piped into each cell at a reasonable 120 decibels about 18-hours a day. Messages would be solicited from anyone who lost their job, 401k, pension, house, or business in the past two years. Messages would be screened for appropriate content for the detainees, with the use of colorful metaphors highly encouraged.
The center holding the detainees would be run in strict accordance of standard municipal zoo policy, with regular Purina feedings, water provided, and regular cleanup of defecation and urination. |
