IMPORTANT PRESS RELEASE FROM MICROSFT:
>REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 28, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made
> by
> >the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it
> will
> >be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for
> an
> >undisclosed sum.
> >
> >"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft
> >chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for
> >everyone". Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office
> of
> >the White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton The United States will
> be
> >managed
> >as a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft. The federal government is
> expected
> >to be
> >profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft vice president
> >Steve
> >Ballmer.
> >
> >In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and
> >enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft,
> and
> >will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly
> to
> >Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive
> >authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He
> went
> >on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens
> >should offer Gates their
> >"full support and confidence". Clinton will reportedly be earning
> several
> >times the $200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, in his new
> role
> >at Microsoft.
> >
> >Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as
> >"silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for the
> U.S.
> >government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates went
> on
> >to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished.
> "Microsoft
> >isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well we're doing".
> >
> >When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding,
> >Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place".
> >
> >Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United
> States
> >citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government
> services
> >and discounts on all Microsoft products.
> >
> >About Microsoft
> >Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
> >software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company
> >offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
> >personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more
> >enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
> >computing and free society every day.
> >
> >About the United States
> >Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
> nation
> >in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and
> >opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the
> United
> >States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
>
Sorry, recieved this by e-mail from a lawyer friend, couldn't resist.
John |
