Well it finally happened! This just in! <grin>
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made
>by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that
>it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of
>America for an undisclosed sum.
>
>"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said
>Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive
>arrangement for everyone".
>
>Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the
>White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the
>press that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managed
>as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
>planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to
>be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president
>Steve Balmer.
>
>In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly
>and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with
>Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government,
>reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the
>mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to
>it as "a relief". He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track
>record", and that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full support
>and confidence".
>
>Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually
>he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.
>
>Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond
>as "silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for
>the U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.
>Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
>abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how
>well we're doing."
>
>When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
>proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking
>place". Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that
>United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in
>government services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
>
>About Microsoft
>
>Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
>software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company
>offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
>personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and
>more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of
>personal computing and free society every day.
>
>About the United States
>
>Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
>nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy
>and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C.,
>the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
>
I've had it with MyLife 1.0. When will MyLife 1.01 be out ? |
