Rush Limbaugh Derangement Disorder Discovered In Baltimore
with one comment (h/t Brumar)
Baltimore—For the psychiatric doctors of St. Jacob’s Medical Center in Baltimore, Maryland, Saturday morning should’ve been filled with routine rounds to check on the status of the existing patients in residence. But this January 2, 2010, found the hospital over run by an influx of liberal patients with an immediate need of therapy.
“Many of the patients came in exhibiting signs of depression with wild talk of killing themselves,” stated Dr. Joseph Mengele. “All they told me was that ‘he couldn’t be alive. He was dead. He can’t be alive. Wikipedia said he was dead.’ It was truly startling to see. They just kept repeating it over and over.”
Eventually, the doctors were able to identify the disorder as R.L.D.D. (Rush Limbaugh Derangement Disorder). According to the doctors on duty, Wikipedia’s rush to declare Rush Limbaugh dead, “created an overwhelming orgasmic feeling of bliss for liberals across America.” This state of euphoria that was created suddenly came crashing down January 1, 2010 at 2:30 p.m., when Rush Limbaugh announced that all was well. This in turn peppered liberals with anxiety and depression, giving them no choice but to resort to either suicide or psychiatric care.
“Die pig die,” screamed Kathy Zubinsky, before doctors gave her the first dose of oxygen and thorazine. “Why don’t you just die!”
Ken Blackman, a spokesperson for Homeless Anonymous, simply walked in with a pen and a list. “See, I’m not on the naughty list,” noted Blackman. “Why has Santa forsaken me? Why, Santa, Why?”
The professionals at St. Jacob’s wants the citizens of Baltimore to be on the lookout for this disorder as they return to work. They are also confident that it isn’t just localized within the greater Balitmore area, but could be as far reaching as Hawaii. Some of the signs to look for are excessively cranky co-workers, inability for co-workers to control their bowels, screaming at the computer monitor, excessive sweating, twitching, urinating on themselves, and co- workers that stab themselves with a pen or pencil.
“If we catch this disorder in time,” added Dr. Mengele, “we just might be able to save the patient. We don’t need these people committing suicide, no matter how much they hate Rush Limbaugh.”
“I know I was ready to step into a bathtub with a toaster until I came to St. Jacob’s,” claimed Keith Overshoe, a reporter with the Baltimore Sun. “Dr. Mengele is a life saver. If you’re a liberal and are completely filled with hopelessness with Rush Limaugh’s sudden resurrection, go to St. Jacob’s now. They’ll even put Obama’s inauguration speech on. They’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel better.”
So if you, or any member of your family spot this disorder, report it to your local psychiatry hosptial immediately. Don’t let a liberal die in vain!
electivedecisions.wordpress.com
|
