Next time you can't make it in to work, try one of these excuses...
Got these from my Big Sis...
If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in today. The voices
told me to clean all the guns today.
'When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
'I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half
back an hour Saturday; and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up to the explosion). I was
able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power
source of exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously
rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly I will
be in late and/or early.
'My stigmata's acting up.
'I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
boss. He fired me for not showing up for work. Okay ??
'I have a rare case of projectile leprosy, but I know we have that
deadline to meet...
'I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Safeway.
'Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
hey, how 'bout them Niners, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, can I
help you? No, no, I will be staying with MCI, but thanks for calling.
'Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
'I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
come to work knowing my employee files now contain false information.
'The psychiatrist said I was in excellent condition. He even gave me
this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
'My dog ate my car keys. We will be hitchhiking to the vet.
'I prefer to remain an enigma.
'My step mother has come back from the undead, and we must track her
to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal
peace. One day should do it.
'I can't come in to work today because the EPA has determined my house
is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for
helicopter transportation.
'I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
'I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
'I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist
on paying my fair share.
'I got all stressed out working on this account so I was forced to
spend the entire weekend drinking and partying with my old college
buddies, therefore.. .it's not quiiiiiiiiite done.
'I've used up all my sick days...so I am calling in dead. |
