OT*** A copy of MS announcement -- Subject: Announcing MS USA v1.0
>
>REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 23, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made
>by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it
>will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America
for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth",
said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement
for everyone". Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office
of the White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of
>the press that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managed
>as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
>planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to
>be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president
>Steve Ballmer.
>In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and
>enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft,
>and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly
>to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive
>authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He
>went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens
>should offer Gates their "full support and confidence". Clinton will
>reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he has earned as
>U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.
>Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as
>"silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for the
>US government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates went
>on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished.
>"Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well we're doing".
>When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding,
>Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place".
>Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United
>States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government
>services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
>
>About Microsoft
>Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
>software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company
>offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
>personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more
>enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
>computing and free society every day.
>
>About the United States
>Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
>nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and
>opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the
>United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation. |
