Dear Heavenly Father and Holiest of Gods. My name is EEEEk and I love you so much. I want you to kill Solon as many times as you can and then torture him forever and ever. Please, dear Yabwee--PLEASE!
You know that all my fiends live in my head, oh Yabwee…and you are here with me now as I think about how clever I have been in doing your work for you. I will give you an example and you will love me, I’m sure because I want to go to Heaven and go for walks with Jesus to pick apples and look at the deer and maybe go on a red sled down the hill. (It is ok if you don’t have that color, Yabwee, I will still be happy and I ain’t complainin, none). Anyway, you want to know how I honored your name, so I will do just that.
I hate Solon, so anyway I have this boyfriend on SI (I know that is ok with you nowadays, right, Yabwee?!) I know your wonderful young son had boyfriends like the young naked man in the Gospel of Mark that the Fathers redacted.
“Was it not you who dried up Yam, who made the depths of Yam a crosswalk for all the redeemed? Shouting to Zion, oh Yahwee!!”
Anyway, Solon thinks his morality is better than mine because he had great (according to him) teachers such as Emerson, Socrates, Ingersoll, Siddartha, and dummies like that. He thinks you should have killed Adam and Eve as soon as they became as evil as all Hell let loose rather than waiting until you could drown everything in the Holy Water so you could put your beautiful rainbow in the sky that weren’t there before. But that is Solon for you. He even breaks the tenth commandment and boils baby goats in milk when he gets hungry. So if you don’t torture him forever, there would be no point in torturing anybody would there my Heavenly and Beautiful father?
So my boyfriend says to Solon: “Hey, Solon, so I guess your name is Solon not because Solon was considered one of the 7 wise men and the father of democracy and human freedom but because you are a pederast like the Greeks, eh Solon. So, Solon says to him: No. But I have no objection to that what the Greeks considered their sexual mores. They considered same sex love as moral and a discretionary choice. It is history and I’ve no objection to how they lived. But today it is a perversion and is illegal (as is all sexual activity before a certain age, depending on country and culture.”) Then Solon says he supports the Canadian Human Rights Act which permits all legal and voluntary sexual activity between competent persons. Now this is why you will love me so much, Father Yabwee! My boyfriend and I were very clever! Immediately we both started making posts saying that Solon ENDORSED, ADVOCATED, SUPPORTED, ENCOURAGED (and words like that) PEDERASTY!! I found those words and others like them in the online dictionary! Solon calls what I’m doing LIBEL…as if his moral relativism could override your Holy word, Dear Jesus! The ends justifies the means and what I do, I do in your wondrous and Holy and WONDERFUL name! Praise you, Jesus! I just love you SO MUCH! I want to walk all over Heaven with you--just the two of us when you have some time and I want to explore every niche of that place and see what colors you chosed for your wall hangings and look at your coin collection and everything else also.
I am so very clever, dear God! Solon has contempt for me because he thinks I am superstitious, immoral, and retarded. And he truly believes I am psychotic because he thinks I act without any conscience. What he don't know is that I have a conscience but if I am fighting for your son, Jesus (who you sacrificed just like the old days with goats) then anything goes. Solon thinks there should be rules and morals. He just doesn't understand religion. That is why I want you to bring him back to life after he dies (the sooner the better, YabWee) and then burn him over and over an over and don’t ever stop. Please hurt him even worse than that, dear God because he doesn’t like me and remember when you went to the Inn to kill Moses because of the foreskin thing? Well, why don’t you check on Solon about that, too???
Solon thinks your wonderful words in the bible, your perfect history of love and justice is just primitive tribal stories of genocidal wars and barbaric behavior including human sacrifice, slavery, rapes and brutality. Please kill him, Yabwee. I hate him so much!
"I am that I am, Yah, The Lord of Host’s, Amen, Selah." I read this in the Babylonian Talmud, Yah. And I read about the antelope the size of Mount Tabor who cast a dung ball so huge that it clogged up the river Jordan. So you see. Yah, that I keep informed about your Holy word and never quit studying!
So that is about all for now, Yah! I am very clever. I am doing my part to prepare Solon for your beautiful hot coals. I don’t consider what I am doing to be lying or libeling or threatening or defaming. I am just doing your Holy work and that means anything goes if the end is justified! Oh, I forget to tell you. After my boyfriend and I (or me) made 72 posts (I counted them for you Yabwee!) saying that Solon supported Pederasty and therefore must be one himself as well as a murderer and stuff like that!--Solon gets mad and tells my boyfriend, “I have no objection to YOUR pederasty, either…(just like he had no objection to the Greeks) (Clever Solon, eh Yab! But I got him good!) Then I said: Oh so you ENDORSE preying on young boys and rape and murder, eh Solon. So you are a real freak, eh Solon! Yep, Yab, I am your best servant. I don’t want to be burned. I take Solon's posts and I cut quotes out of them and then I find other quotes that I cut out and I put them together and I try to make it look like it is him stalking me!! The other day I hinted that there was news of a shadowy figure in a trench coat who tried to rob a church and I slyly says to Solon. By any chance do YOU own a trench coat? But I leave that part out when I go quoting stuff! I am careful to make it look like I'm not a psychotic and in truth I am no more psychotic than Isaiah or Ezekiel were. I am just your trusted servant and I love your son more than any other young men in the bible could ever have beloved him. And please don't let them bring Mark's verses back in the official gospels and please keep taking out the contradictions and stuff because you are so Perfect and all the crazy stuff in the bible was snucked in by atheists who believe in evolution. They think that old boners tell a story and they think YOUR beautiful stories are horrible. But that is atheists for you, Sweet Jesus of my Heart.
I will do ANYTHING to please you. If you want me too I will torture people for you like my heroes did through the centuries. I have promised Solon I would laugh at him when you led him, past me on the way to Hellfire. I showed him the Scripture and he just laughed at me like he always does as if I am some sort of freak. Well he won’t be laughing when you and I burn the bejesus out of him, will he Father! Please kill him soon before his big shot lawyers start making trouble for me. I am working so hard for you, Yah. Please speak to me and tell me what to do.
Amen Amen Amen. |
