It is dark-I creep apologetically into DAR, running a finger over the dusty tables and picking up a stray article of clothing and an empty Coke can. Taking a deep breath, I place my bleeding, exhausted fingers on the keyboard. Letters float through my head (UBAC! BBCSFA!) and I uncontrollably scream out words--"Universal police burn alien cadavers!" "Brigette Bardot's Chest Shields Furry Animals".
I blearily look around for Michael--thinking to castigate him for his contributing to the delinquency of a mother. But he, of course, is home in the bosom of his family, no doubt executing domestically cohesive activities--playing Candyland, singing along with Barney, while I, derelict maternal slug that I am, have been crowned champion Acrophobic after a non-stop, two-day marathon of verbal dexterity and invention that left my admirers breathless...and won the admiration of countless young girls who seem to think Rambi is a particularly sensitive guy. (OOO-Rambi! Are you a guy? I love you Rambi! Can we go out?) While my family eats pizza in the den, muttering,like Pan's Lost Boys, "We remember a mother! She was warm and soft and sweet and she made great meals like Manwich Sandwich for us!"
My stocks lie bloody and ignored (little ingrates deserve no better anyway), the laundry forms odoriferous conical mounds around the house, the pool wears a slimy coat of decomposing leaves, I see nothing, but ah-when I heard the mournful cry of my threadfamily, something moved in my heart and I said to my new Acrophobic Friends---
"IMG! IAC! (I must go! I am called)"....And I left them begging me, "SRS!" (Stay Rambi Stay!) but no.... I turned my eyes toward DAR (Dilbert Attacks Rhinoceri, Darling Alex Regurgitates)....where I sensed emanations of sadness and loss of direction, a certain random wandering amidst the appliances and puns.
My children-have I neglected you??? (Overwhelmed by guilt, I moan and start beheading chickens for soup and baking chocolate chip cookies which are essential for the good mental health of any thread. I order a truckload of beer for Jeff and jp, a case of good red wine for Alex, fresh vegies and tofu for Alexa, ten pounds of chocolate covered cherries for Janice, a dozen yellow roses for Flicker, Dos Equis for my Amicus, some durian for Zin and Mike and several bottles of Dom Perignon and fresh escargots for my absent, neglected loveslave, whom I betrayed by missing the flight to Paraguay because I just COULDN"T leave in the middle of the championship Face-Off Round between myself (me?) and the vicious Razor and which I won with my brilliant response to PCISLM--Police Chief Investigates Sadistic Lover's Murder).
Things will get back to normal now I promise! There-the cookies are in the oven and the timer is set for 8 minutes......dumdedum--hmmm--- that gives me time to play just one round.....I can get back in time...
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