Peter....what does your "I" sytem says these days?
L.
the last male bashing jokes for the day....Hey Led Head...are we even now....
What Men REALLY MEAN ...
"I'm going fishing." ... I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,
and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by
in complete safety.
"Let's take your car." ... Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers
and completely out of gas.
"Woman driver." ... Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear,
make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." ... As long as it's not
blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black,
turquoise or any other color besides white.
"It's a guy thing." ... There is no rational thought pattern connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
"Can I help with dinner?" ... Why isn't it already on the table?
"That's a good idea!" ... It'll never work, and I'll spend the rest of the
day gloating.
"Honey, have you lost weight?" ... I've just spent our last $180 on a
cordless drill.
"My wife doesn't understand me." ... She's heard all my stories
before and is tired of them.
"It would take too long to explain." ... I have no idea how it works.
"I'm getting more exercise." ... The batteries in the remote are dead.
"I got a lot done." ... I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture.
"We're going to be late." ... Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive
like a maniac.
"I've read all the classics." ... I've subscribed to Playboy since 1972.
"I was listening to you." ... I was wondering if that blonde over there
is wearing a bra.
"Take a break honey, you're working too hard." ... I can't hear the
game over the vacuum cleaner.
"That's interesting, dear." ... Are you still talking?
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." ... I forgot
our anniversary again.
"It's a really good movie." ... It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and
Pamela Sue Anderson.
"That's women's work." ... It's difficult, dirty, and thankless.
"Will you marry me?" ... Both my roommates have moved out, I can't
find the washer, and there's no more peanut butter.
"Go ask your mother." ... I am incapable of making a decision.
"You know how bad my memory is." ... I remember the theme song
to 'F Troop', the telephone number of the first girl I kissed and the
Vehicle Identification Numbers of all the cars I've ever owned, but I
forgot your birthday.
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." ... The girl
selling them on the corner was a real babe.
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." ... I have actually
severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit It hurts.
"I do help around the house." ... I once put a dirty towel in the
laundry basket.
"I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." ... And I sure hope I think of
some pretty soon.
"I can't find it." ... It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm
completely clueless.
"What did I do this time?" ... What did you catch me at?
"What do you mean, you need new clothes?" ... You just bought new
clothes three years ago.
"She's one of those rabid feminists." ... She refused to make coffee.
"I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." ... I'm planning
on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding,
mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions.
"I heard you." ... I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and
am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you
don't spend the next two days yelling at me.
"You know I could never love anyone else." ... I'm used to the way
you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.
"You look terrific." ... Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm
starving.
"I brought you a present." ... It was free ice scraper night at the ball
game.
"I missed you." ... I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry
and we are out of toilet paper.
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." ... No one will ever see us
alive again.
"We share the housework." ... I make the messes, she cleans them
up.
"I recycle." ... We could pay the rent with the money from my
empties.
"I like it honey, you look beautiful." ... Oh, man, what have you done
to yourself?
"I don't need to read the instructions." ... I am perfectly capable of
screwing it up without printed help.
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later." ... If I wait long enough you'll get
frustrated and buy a new one.
"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." ... Someplace that doesn't have a
drive-thru window.
"I broke up with her." ... She dumped me. |
