Is this a pic of kenny??
Burying your head in the sand is not acting like a man
Sure, a man can bury his head in the sand and pretend his life is different than what it actually is. A man can live in fear his entire life. All he has to do is remain unconscious about the world around him. He can create a fantasy about the quality of his life that serves as a buffer from the truth. While he may not successfully fool anyone, he can fool himself into believing that he’s acting like a man by going it alone.
A man whose life is incomplete because of a lack of emotional connection with anyone misses out on the opportunity for love. Fear creates dysfunctional men, and fear is a major disability. A man who behaves out of fear has no authentic men friends, and never has successful relationships with women because he is terrified to open his heart.
Yeah, I know, there’s lots of talk these days about men and their hearts. Lots of jokes about men who don’t have a clue about their emotions, but there’s nothing funny about the pain men endure in their self-imposed emotional solitude. Where’s the love a man requires in order to act like a man? Where’s the emotional dialogue that is the basis for all interpersonal relationships?
Men who face their demon fear can kill it dead, and they can most easily accomplish this with the help of other, like-minded men. No man is obligated to live in fear just because circumstances put it there. Since men first learn trust from their fathers, a man whose father wasn’t trustworthy creates fear and sets a boy up for a life of being controlled by his demon. No man or woman can breach the wall a young boy creates in his heart once it has been trampled by someone close to him. Overcoming that fear and mistrust is hard slogging and need not be faced alone. It’s not a solo journey.
Men who talk with other men about their fear hear from other men how they experienced theirs. It is this experiential information men share with each other that is the basis for what I term, collective male wisdom. In nearly two decades of working with men what I know with absolute certainty is that it is rare that one man out of a group of eight has an emotional experience none of the others have ever faced. A group of men is an encyclopedia of emotional experience that any man can draw from when facing his own.
Once men move beyond the mistrust and the associated fear, they can begin living their emotional lives fully. They can experience love on a level they never imagined possible.
Few men have authentic friends and perhaps a definition of an authentic friend might help men understand what that means. The next time your life falls apart and you need solace and information, who are you going to call? Who would be at your door in minutes to aid you in your absolute time of need? If, like most men, the answer is no one, then consider your work to be creating authentic friendships. The men you could meet with on a regular basis are your friends because you share what’s in your heart with them. They know you intimately and respect your willingness to let them into your heart and your life.
Most women can’t imagine being in a relationship with men who are emotionally unavailable. The same emotional skills men learn from other men apply to relationships with women as well. It’s all about being willing to speak from your heart and not just your head.
Get together on a regular basis with other men in a small group and discover your heart-based voice. Leave your lonely planet behind as you blast off into the more complete world that encompasses relationships. Get your head out of the sand.
Act like a man! |
