Just ran across this on a forum I frequent:
 Dear Northwest Driver.....
During last week’s visit from Shoganai, we all got into a good discussion about the drivers in the Northwest. Everyone, no matter where they live, believes that they have the worst drivers. I’m here to tell you it is by far the worst here. It’s mostly Washington and Oregon. As you move toward the State of Jefferson it gets better. Here are 10 helpful suggestions for all you Subaru driving webfoots out there. Please take them to heart and the highways and byways will be better for everyone. 1. It is never acceptable to drive next to another vehicle for more than 10 seconds. Ever. Complete your pass, then move right a. It is not your responsibility to prevent me from exceeding the speed limit. Complete your pass, then move right
b. My door handle is not to be used as a gauge for your speed. Use your speedometer, or see point 3. Complete your pass, then move right
c. Slower than me or faster than me, I don’t care. Just get away. Complete your pass, then move right
2. “Slower Traffic Keep Right” actually does apply to you. There are people behind you that want to go faster. See point 4. When a passing lane becomes available on a 2 lane road do not speed up just because everyone else is. See points 1a and 1b
3. Cruise control is an amazing and convenient invention. Try it some time
4. Those shiny things you use to do your makeup, and the one that you knocked off on the garage door that’s dangling on the side of the car? Those are used to see what’s going on behind you. Believe it or not, there are things going on back there that you might want to know about
5. Merging onto the freeway is not a reason for white knuckles. Don’t make it harder than it has to be. Start by getting up to the same speed as the traffic on the freeway. See point 4
6. Changing lanes does not require braking
7. In general, turn signal use is pretty good. But here are a couple of points a. Turn signals are to be used to announce your imminent intent, not to ask for permission. I will not roll out a red carpet for you because you are sitting at my front quarter with it on for 3 minutes
b. Fight the affects of the bong resin and try to remember to turn them off, mmkay?
8. If you make me miss a traffic light because you are stopping to give the panhandler money, expect to be sodomized
9. I’m not impressed by your Prius/Smartcar/Leaf. You want to impress me with your greenness? Try leaving the windows down and keep the A/C off even if the temperature rises above a sweltering 70.2º
10. Your bumper stickers, while entertaining, are not going to change my life |
