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Welcome to the only REAL Barack Obama Jokes Website
Don't be afraid to laugh at politically incorrect Obama jokes! Most of the Obama jokes on the Web are as mild as the softball questions that Obama gets from the smitten reporters and reporterettes of the press.
Not here!
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President Obama has closed the Washington Monument in the aftermath of the Virginia earthquake. Barack's friend Bill Ayers will be hired for the demolition work.
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Q. What does Barack Obama intend to do about the Washington, D.C. earthquake?
A. Blame it on George Bush.
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BHO'S TSA
Q. Why isn't TSA catching any terrorists?
A. They don't screen passengers on Air Force One.
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Obama claims that he has a balanced budget plan. It's exactly one half smoke and one half mirrors.
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Good News, Bad News
The good news is that Obama has finally begun drilling for oil. The bad news is that he's only drilling in our strategic oil reserve.
The good news is that Obama has finally created some jobs. The bad news is that they're all in India.
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If you voted for Obama in 2008, it proved you are not a racist. If you vote for Obama again in 2012, it will prove that you are one.
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A major freeway in California is named after the great Ronald Reagan. After he leaves office, Chicago should name a dead end after Barack Obama.
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Q. What's the difference between Obama opponents and Obama supporters?
A. The first group works for a living while the second group votes for a living.
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It was recently revealed that President Obama’s autobiography was actually written by the SDS terrorist Bill Ayers. Worse yet, Ayers copied most of it from Jimmy Carter's autobiography.
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President Obama was interviewing for new accountants to handle the books for his Obamacare scheme. Barack asked the first applicant, "What does one plus one equal?" The accountant was escorted out of the White House after answering, "Two." Barack then asked the next applicant, "What does one plus one equal?" That one answered, "What do you want it to equal?" Obama promptly replied, "You've got the job."
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The Obama administration has decided to get rid of the old USDA food pyramid. It's being replaced with a food minaret.
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Q. Why did Obama wait so long to release his birth certificate?
A. He didn't have a registered copy of PhotoShop.
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Barack Obama has reportedly started holding a weekly séance in the Oval Office.
So far, he has only managed to channel Jimmy Carter.
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Q. Why does Obama always oppose Israel?
A. Because he's an alumnus of the other team.
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Barack O'Bama is now claiming that Ireland is his ancestral home. Kenya believe anything that guy says?
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Q. Why can't the National Weather Service name a hurricane after Obama?
A. The Centers for Disease Control gets to use his name first.
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The Equus Asinus Obama Joke
Q: What would you get if you crossed a Jackass with Barack Obama?
A: Barack Obama.
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President Barack Hussein Obama has finally released his actual birth certificate, proving that he really was born in Hawaii, our 57th state.
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It was recently reported in the news that the President had been accidentally locked out of the White House. For that one panicked moment Obama thought that they must have found his real birth certificate.
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Obama was leaving the country club golf course when he was accosted by an armed robber who demanded, "Give me all of your money!" Barack haughtily replied, "Do you know who I am. I'm the President of the United States!" The robber snarled back, "Then give me all MY money."
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Q. What Bruce Springsteen song always makes Obama grin?
A. “Born in the U.S.A.”
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For the funny side of ObamaCare, click here. You'll laugh yourself sick.
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The Obama Game
On his long trip to the bottom of the polls, Barack Hussein Obama will sometimes get stuck on a cluster of Hope and Change balls. With a little help from you, he can move up, down, to the right and to the left. He can even squeeze through the tightest of cracks.
Use your mouse to help Obama drop
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President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, "Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses." Obama angrily replied, "Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's ass?" The farmer answered, "No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's ass. It's hard to fool them flies though."
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Everybody knows that beer is better than Obama. Click Obama Beer to read the many reasons why.
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Q. What do you call the most powerful Muslim in the world?
A. The President of the United States.
Tip o'the hat to OWK.
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A Message From the POTUS
You have reached the office of the President of the United States. President Obama is either away from his desk or not in the Oval Office at this time. At the tone, please leave your name, your telephone number, the size of the bailout or earmark that you are seeking and the aggregate dollar amount of your campaign donations to date.
Beep.
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Barack Obama's Budget Rules
1. If Obama calls deficit spending an investment, then it must not cost anything.
2. Cutting a billion dollars from the military justifies giving a trillion dollars to bankers.
3. When Obama sends a spending proposal to Congress, it doesn't count if they want to spend even more.
4. If Obama reduces a proposed increase in spending, he counts it as a budget cut.
5. When Obama eliminates our deductions, the higher payments we make aren't a tax increase.
6. Obama's budget is like his golf game. He eventually winds up in the hole.
7. Higher taxes are Obama's way to stop you from thriving too fast.
8. Reading an omnibus tax bill before signing it is bad luck.
9. If an entitlement program is off budget, it's free.
10. Back room deals rock!
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Need a funny Obama one liner for a T-shirt, bumper sticker or Twitter post? Click Obama One Liners to find the one you need.
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The Obama administration is the meth lab of democracy.
Tip o'the hat to Jon S.
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Readers send us jokes. Lots of jokes. So many jokes. (Please, don't send me the watermelon joke again.) Click Reader Jokes to see what we've been getting in our e-mail.
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The Obama economy has gotten so bad that we just have to find ways to make lemonade out of lemons. Then Obama will be able to raise taxes on lemons.
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The idea of Obama as President is funny all by itself. Click POTUS Jokes and see the proof.
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Q. How does President Obama intend to fix America's path to citizenship for illegal aliens? A. He's going to add high speed lanes.
Tip o'the hat to Milo H.
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There are so many Obama jokes that we've got an overflow section. Click More Obama Jokes to check 'em out.
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Have you heard about the new Obama Happy Meal for kids at McDonalds? It comes with a promise that they'll get a toy someday.
Tip o'the hat to John V.
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President Obama, at an appearance with Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard, used the occasion to deride the taste of Vegemite, a vegetable paste breakfast food that is popular in Australia. It seems that Obama has finally found something that he can actually look down on.
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The left worships Obama. Everybody else laughs at him. Click Obama Messiah Jokes to share in the heresy.
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Next year, 2011, Groundhog Day and Obama's State of the Union address will occur on the same date. One event involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, while the other involves a groundhog.
Tip o'the hat to Rudi.
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Funny Obama videos? We got 'em. Click Obama Videos to watch 'em.
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Q. What is the difference between Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama?
A. Jimmy is the worst President in the 20th Century.
Tip o'the hat to Megan.
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Barrack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disney World & Barrack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One.' The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes. Barrack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them.' The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset.' Barrack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped. The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.'
Tip o'the hat to "Please don't use my name!"
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Q. What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?
A. Undocumented Democrats.
Tip o'the hat to OEB.
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Obama the Wubama
The Wubama walked up the Hoobily path,
Singing and chanting and such,
He couldn’t do good budgety math,
And tried not to think hard, too much.
Wubama looked to the right and the left,
Reading the Glassy Word Boards.
For without his prompts, his speech was bereft,
Confusing the Murrican Hordes.
The Wubama fought for things nobody liked,
Making the Murricans frown,
But Wubama channeled a Marxity psyche,
So he went and he just doubled-down.
Wubama didn't care what people thought,
He felt all the people absurd.
He will never change, nor budge one small jot,
So only one term is assured!
Tip o'the hat to Lazamataz and Dr. Seuss.
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Obama wants two new faces carved on Mount Rushmore. His.
Tip o'the hat to Sam.
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Q. What's the only thing thinner than Barack Obama's résumé?
A. His skin.
Tip o'the hat to Alvin.
Barack Obama's Top Ten Pick-Up Lines
10. Nobody can stuff a ballot box like Obama can.
9. Did you ever sleep in the Lincoln bedroom?
8. Obama wanna be your Barack-door man.
7. Obama can go down faster than the economy.
6. You want to see my latest stimulus package?
5. Once you go Barack, you'll never go back.
4. I'm so flexible that I can lie in any position.
3. Obama loves Falafels.
2. I'm just too big to fail.
1. You'll scream like Howard Dean.
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Barack Obama, Sarah Palin and Joe Biden were trapped on a desert island with no hope of rescue, so Obama pulled a magic lamp out of his turban and rubbed it until a Genie appeared, The Genie announced that he would grant three wishes; one wish for each of the castaways. Obama immediately wished to be magically transported to Chicago and he was gone in a puff of smoke. Palin asked to go to Alaska and she was instantly whisked away. Biden began to cry and said, "Now I'm all alone. I wish I had my two friends back!"
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Presi-dink Obama will appear on MYTHBUSTERS, where Adam fails to prove that Obama went to Occidental College and Adam pulls the rest of his hair out trying to find Obama’s birth certificate. When asked if they could BUST the myth that Obama is a socialist, Jamie said, “Try the TV show LIE TO ME.”
Tip o'the hat to RadioFree Rocky D
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When they called the roll in the Senate, Obama didn't know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
Tip o'the hat to Theodore Roosevelt
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JFK symbolized Camelot.
BHO symbolizes camel lot.
Tip o'the hat to Ramon.
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The Obama administration wants a new simplified tax form that will be idiot proof. They'll test it out on Joe Biden.
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When General McChrystal went to President Obama to turn in his resignation, Barack bitterly said "You'll probably intend to piss on my grave someday." The General replied, "No, Sir, once I'm out of this man's Army, I'm not standing in line for anything ever again!"
Tip o'the hat to Jerry
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Obama should to learn how to laugh at his problems; everybody else is.
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Q. Why is Obama claiming that we're not in a Depression?
A. He isn't depressed.
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Obama has a new plan to save American jobs. He and Michelle are going to personally keep the vacation planners busy.
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Under ObamaCare pizzas will get to your house faster than an ambulances.
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Q. What's the difference between Barack Obama and a government bond?
A. The bond will eventually mature.
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Q. Why does Obama wear a turban?
A. So he knows which end to wipe!
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Barack Obama and Joe Biden are proof that two wrongs don't make a right.
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It’s a ‘recession’ when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a ‘depression’ when you lose yours; and it’s a ‘recovery’ when Barack Obama loses his.
Tip o'the hat to Ronald Reagan
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Strange Lincoln - Obama Coincidences
1) Lincoln was elected in 1860, Obama was elected in 2008, nearly 150 years later.
2) Lincoln eliminated involuntary servitude. Obama eliminated private sector jobs.
3) Lincoln and Obama were both married to ugly wives who went crazy.
4) Each man's wife gained over forty pounds while living at the White House.
5) Lincoln was hit in the head from behind. Obama hid his head up his behind.
6) Lincoln was shot in Ford's Theater. Obama shot up while riding in a Lincoln made by Ford.
7) Both men had vice-presidents who were illiterate Democrat senators.
8) Andrew Johnson nearly lived to the age of 67. Joe Biden nearly had an IQ of 67.
9) Lincoln was born in KENtucky, Obama was born in KENya - before both moved to Illinois.
10) LincOln and Obama each had a single letter "O" in their last name.
11) Andrew Johnson had no middle name. Joseph Robinette Biden had a silly one.
12) JOHN W. BOOTH and BILL C. AYERS each has 10 letters.
13) A Kennedy told Lincoln to take care of his health. Ted Kennedy told Obama to pass health care.
14) Lincoln and Obama were both more feminine than Hillary Clinton.
15) Lincoln was placed on the penny. Obama was not quite worth a penny.
16) Lincoln was not a Muslim. Obama was not an admitted Muslim.
17) Neither Lincoln nor Obama ever wrote a book.
18) Lincoln suffered from major depression. Obama caused a major depression.
Tip o'the hat to Gritty-Kitty
19) Lincoln and Obama were both the first President with a beard.
Tip o'the hat to Joe 6-pack
20) Abraham Lincoln had no middle name. You're not allowed to say Barack Obama's middle name.
Tip o'the hat to Nathan
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Dear Lord, you took my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze. You took my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett. You took my favorite singer, Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite President is Barack Obama. Amen.
Tip o'the hat to Denise
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If John McCain was a Maverick, then Barack Obama is a GMC* Pacer. (*Government Motor Company)
Tip o'the hat to Mr. Myke
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Obama has ordered that the term "Islamic Radicalism" be removed from national security documents. It's being replaced with "Allahu Akbar!"
Tip o'the hat to Carlton
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Military expert Barack Obama thinks that an Offensive Nuke is a dirty microwave oven.
Tip o'the hat to Edd
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Barack got his ObamaCare votes the old fashioned way. He bought 'em.
Tip o'the hat to Vickie
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The Obama economy utilizes a system of carefully monitored checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balance.
Tip o'the hat to Rosie
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Obama is looking forward to retirement, so that he'll finally have the time to actually read his new healthcare law.
Tip o'the hat to Boots
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Everyone who believes that ObamaCare will work is entitled to free psychological help.
Tip o'the hat to Wanda
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Q. Why is the healthcare plan called ObamaCare instead of ObamaCares?
A. Because he doesn't.
Tip o'the hat to Frank
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Q. Why is the healthcare plan called ObamaCare when he is exempt from it?
A. Shaddup.
Tip o'the hat to Ron
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ObamaCare will provide taxpayers with plenty of bitter pills.
Tip o'the hat to Nancy
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Obama just gave America a trillion dollar budget deficit. Let's hope he never learns that there are numbers that come after a trillion.
Tip o'the hat to Dave
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Q. If the Obama administration was a football division, what would the teams be called?
A. The Stealers, the Bills, the Chargers and the Lyings.
Tip o'the hat to Talbott
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President Obama has responded to our national debt spiralling out of control by calling for the creation of a Deficit Commission to find solutions to the problem. Coulter suggests The Deficit Commission's first recommendation should be "resign immediately Mr. President."
Tip o'the hat to Ann Coulter
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Q. Why is ObamaCare like an apple a day?
A. It keeps your doctor away.
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Did you know that for security reasons Obama has an identical body double? The only way you can tell the difference between the two is that the real Obama's head doesn't cast a shadow.
Tip o'the hat to Rashid
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The Obama economy is so bad that at the next White House beer summit they'll be serving Natural Light.
Tip o'the hat to Eleasha
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Barack Obama, at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas , asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence..
Then Obama said into the microphone, "Children, uh, every time I, uh, clap my hands together, a, uh, child in America dies from, uh, gun violence."
Little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said, '' Well, dummy, stop clapping!"
Tip o'the hat to Jimmy
(Believe it or not, variations of this Obama joke have actually been analyzed by Snopes.com in one of its "urban legend" postings. How weird is that? See snopes.com
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Obama is proud of his Cash for Clunkers program. It basically let you sell your car to the government for gas money. Now there is talk in Congress about bringing it back as an add on to their univeral healthcare plan and expanding it. With that in mind, let's take a look at how the Obama Clunker program might work on its next go round.
Signs of an Obama Clunker
• You have to reset the car clock after you use the cigarette lighter.
• You just roll down the car windows for air conditioning.
• You go to Coin Star so you can make your car and insurance payments.
• You start using the phrase "General Motors" as a curse.
• You start referring to GM as Government Motors.
• You keep emergency sneakers in the car trunk for those inevitable walks home.
• Your Obama clunker appears on the TV series Operation Repo, with a recurring role.
• You had to cut the Club the Obama clunker came with off of the steering wheel.
• You have to read map directions using the car's Check Engine light.
• You spot tow trucks following your Obama clunker on the highway.
• You double your car's Blue Book value whenever you fill the gas tank.
• Your car insurance policy requires that you wear a helmet while driving.
• You always carry duct tape in the car's glove compartment.
• You have a bumper sticker for the local homeless shelter.
• Your car radio only gets National Public Radio.
• When hitchhikers see you, they put their thumbs down.
• If you try to donate your car to charity, they give it right back.
• Your car was featured on the cover of Lemon Law Magazine.
• If they can't repair your clunker's brakes, they'll make your horn louder.
• The tires keep getting rotated until they're back where they started.
• You'll have to buy your car insurance from the federal government.
• But your Obama auto insurance will cover you in all 57 states.
• Your automobile insurance won't cover the types of accidents you're most likely to have.
• The longer you own your Obama clunker, your vehicle's insurance coverage will go down and your insurance premiums will go up.
• Car insurance premiums for everyone, regardless of risk, must be equal.
• Your employer must provide you with group car insurance.
• Preventive care, such as car washes, must be covered in your car insurance.
• The government must provide car insurance to everyone who is unable to afford the increasing premiums for car insurance. This will be done by raising taxes on drivers who don't have accidents.
• The bad news is that if you don't buy car insurance coverage, you will go to federal prison. The good news is that you won't need a car there.
• Don't even think about taking a tax write off for donating your car to charity.
Your clunker is so old that it isn't dented -- it's wrinkled!
Clunker Sticker: No Radio in Car - Stolen Already
Q. Speaking of cash for clunkers, what do Obama's policies and clunkers have in common?
A. They both backfire.
Barack Obama was trying to sell his clunker that had already been driven 310,000 miles, but he was having a mighty hard time with it. Joe Biden offered to help him out and turned the car odometer back to just 10,000 miles. Biden asked the President a few days later whether he had been able to sell the clunker. "Why would I want to sell it?" asked Obama. "There's only 10,000 miles on it."
"If someone was trying to sell a car the way they're trying to sell this bill [the Obama healthcare insurance bill] they would be violating the Lemon Law." --Congressman Dan Lungren
Obama visited the local GM (Government Motors) dealership to see if he could land himself a "Cash for Clunkers" deal. Unfortunately, once he got there the dealer told Obama that he couldn't use his wife as trade in.
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Recent Barack Obama Jokes
(Contributed or inspired by readers and others.)
Obama has decided to change the name of "Air Force One," the Presidential jet. He's going to rename it "Air Force The One."
Tip o'the hat to Robert
Under both ObamaCare and the Clunker program, bills are divided into parts and labor.
Tip o'the hat to Manny
Astronomers have spotted an object in space that they say is potentially dangerous, yet for a year it's just sat out there and has done nothing. For that, they've named the object COMET OBAMA.
Tip o'the hat to RadioFree Rocky D at www.wtma.com
And marine biologists have spotted the deepest living fish ever, near the ocean floor at the Earth's lowest point. They're calling it, the Barack Obama Approval Ratings Fish.
Tip o'the hat to RadioFree Rocky D at www.wtma.com
Bill Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack Obama go into a bar. Bill tells the barkeeper, "I'll have a B and C." Obama whispers, "What is a B and C?" "That's a bourbon and Coke," Clinton answers. Then Biden orders, "I'll have a G and T." Obama again whispers, "What's a G and T?" "A gin and tonic," Joe replies. Obama wants to seem like he's one of the guys so he tells the barkeeper, "I'll have a 15." Now it's the bartender's turn to ask, "What's a 15?" Obama says, "A 7 and 7."
Tip o'the hat to Paula
You remember the Reagan era, when Ronald Reagan was President, and Bob Hope and Johnny Cash were still with us? Well, now we have Obama, no hope, and no cash.
Tip o'the hat to Josie
Q: What is the difference between ObamaCare and a car battery?
A: The battery has a positive side.
Tip o'the hat to Karen
Exhausted and ill from the effort of enacting the Obama healthcare plan, an elderly Senator goes to the doctor. Doctor says, "I have bad news, good news, and bad news, Senator. The bad news is that you only have six months to live. But the good news is that there’s an operation that is 100% successful in curing this illness." "That sounds great, Doctor," says the Senator, "but what’s the other bad news?" The Doctor replies, "The Department of Health and Human Services says the first available slot is seven months from today."
Tip o'the hat to The Plainsman
In the washroom at the airport I saw a handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from the President!"..........There's nothing like "hot air" and the smell of crap to give you that true Obama experience!!!!
Tip o'the hat to Kenneth
Q. What did Obama do when he caught Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid in bed with Osama bin Laden in the Lincoln Bedroom?
A. Nothing.
Tip o'the hat to The Plainsman
New bumper sticker:
Obama lied, the economy died.
Tip o'the hat to Ashley
Q. Why did Obama cross the road?
A. Actually, Obama promised to cross the road, but then he didn't.
Tip o'the hat to The Plainsman
If Obama had half a brain, his butt would be lopsided.
Tip o'the hat to Luke
President Obama is to statesmanship as an Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Tip o'the hat to Henry
Q. What is Barack Obama's favorite lunch meat?
A. Mao Tse Tongue.
Tip o'the hat to Meyer
The aliens forgot to remove Obama's anal probe.
Tip o'the hat to Elliott
If Barack Obama had been the Commander in Chief of the Sioux and the Cheyenne, George Armstrong Custer would have died of old age.
Tip o'the hat to Dwight
Q. Why was Obama staring at the frozen orange juice can?
A. It said "concentrate".
Tip o'the hat to Anita
America is the china shop; Obama is the bull.
Tip o'the hat to H. L. Mencken
Q. What would you get if you crossed Albert Einstein with Barack Obama?
A. E = MC Hammer
Tip o'the hat to Stanley
Q. Why did President Obama feel it was necessary for him to apologize to the world and to degrade the United States?
A. Jimmy Carter had laryngitis.
Tip o'the hat to Poetsarena.com
Barack Obama told Oprah Winfrey that he deserves to get a "good, solid B-plus" for his first year as President. He also claimed that Bo, the White House dog, ate the economy.
Tip o'the hat to Angela
Obamatopia: Where Soup Plantations are being replaced by soup kitchens.
Tip o'the hat to Herbert
Q. Why did Obama make a big contribution to SarahPAC?
A. Because he wants to face off against Sarah Palin instead of a real opponent in 2012.
Tip o'the hat to Willard.
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Popular Barack Obama Jokes
Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.
Like any corrupt Chicago politician, Obama would frequently go the cemetery to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested that they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has as much right to vote as anyone else here!"
Obama Anagrams
President Barack Obama = Arab base, pink Democrat
President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish
Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American.
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'I ? Obama.' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
Welcome to the only REAL Barack Obama Jokes Website
Don't be afraid to laugh at politically incorrect Obama jokes! Most of the Obama jokes on the Web are as mild as the softball questions that Obama gets from the smitten reporters and reporterettes of the press.
Not here!
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President Obama has closed the Washington Monument in the aftermath of the Virginia earthquake. Barack's friend Bill Ayers will be hired for the demolition work.
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Q. What does Barack Obama intend to do about the Washington, D.C. earthquake?
A. Blame it on George Bush.
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BHO'S TSA
Q. Why isn't TSA catching any terrorists?
A. They don't screen passengers on Air Force One.
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Obama claims that he has a balanced budget plan. It's exactly one half smoke and one half mirrors.
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Good News, Bad News
The good news is that Obama has finally begun drilling for oil. The bad news is that he's only drilling in our strategic oil reserve.
The good news is that Obama has finally created some jobs. The bad news is that they're all in India.
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If you voted for Obama in 2008, it proved you are not a racist. If you vote for Obama again in 2012, it will prove that you are one.
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A major freeway in California is named after the great Ronald Reagan. After he leaves office, Chicago should name a dead end after Barack Obama.
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Q. What's the difference between Obama opponents and Obama supporters?
A. The first group works for a living while the second group votes for a living.
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It was recently revealed that President Obama’s autobiography was actually written by the SDS terrorist Bill Ayers. Worse yet, Ayers copied most of it from Jimmy Carter's autobiography.
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President Obama was interviewing for new accountants to handle the books for his Obamacare scheme. Barack asked the first applicant, "What does one plus one equal?" The accountant was escorted out of the White House after answering, "Two." Barack then asked the next applicant, "What does one plus one equal?" That one answered, "What do you want it to equal?" Obama promptly replied, "You've got the job."
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The Obama administration has decided to get rid of the old USDA food pyramid. It's being replaced with a food minaret.
***
Q. Why did Obama wait so long to release his birth certificate?
A. He didn't have a registered copy of PhotoShop.
***
Barack Obama has reportedly started holding a weekly séance in the Oval Office.
So far, he has only managed to channel Jimmy Carter.
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Q. Why does Obama always oppose Israel?
A. Because he's an alumnus of the other team.
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Barack O'Bama is now claiming that Ireland is his ancestral home. Kenya believe anything that guy says?
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Q. Why can't the National Weather Service name a hurricane after Obama?
A. The Centers for Disease Control gets to use his name first.
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The Equus Asinus Obama Joke
Q: What would you get if you crossed a Jackass with Barack Obama?
A: Barack Obama.
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President Barack Hussein Obama has finally released his actual birth certificate, proving that he really was born in Hawaii, our 57th state.
***
It was recently reported in the news that the President had been accidentally locked out of the White House. For that one panicked moment Obama thought that they must have found his real birth certificate.
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Obama was leaving the country club golf course when he was accosted by an armed robber who demanded, "Give me all of your money!" Barack haughtily replied, "Do you know who I am. I'm the President of the United States!" The robber snarled back, "Then give me all MY money."
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Q. What Bruce Springsteen song always makes Obama grin?
A. “Born in the U.S.A.”
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For the funny side of ObamaCare, click here. You'll laugh yourself sick.
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The Obama Game
On his long trip to the bottom of the polls, Barack Hussein Obama will sometimes get stuck on a cluster of Hope and Change balls. With a little help from you, he can move up, down, to the right and to the left. He can even squeeze through the tightest of cracks.
Use your mouse to help Obama drop
go to website to play game its a real hoot!
President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, "Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses." Obama angrily replied, "Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's ass?" The farmer answered, "No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's ass. It's hard to fool them flies though." LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!
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Everybody knows that beer is better than Obama. Click Obama Beer to read the many reasons why.
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Q. What do you call the most powerful Muslim in the world?
A. The President of the United States.
Tip o'the hat to OWK.
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A Message From the POTUS
You have reached the office of the President of the United States. President Obama is either away from his desk or not in the Oval Office at this time. At the tone, please leave your name, your telephone number, the size of the bailout or earmark that you are seeking and the aggregate dollar amount of your campaign donations to date.
Beep.
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Barack Obama's Budget Rules
1. If Obama calls deficit spending an investment, then it must not cost anything.
2. Cutting a billion dollars from the military justifies giving a trillion dollars to bankers.
3. When Obama sends a spending proposal to Congress, it doesn't count if they want to spend even more.
4. If Obama reduces a proposed increase in spending, he counts it as a budget cut.
5. When Obama eliminates our deductions, the higher payments we make aren't a tax increase.
6. Obama's budget is like his golf game. He eventually winds up in the hole.
7. Higher taxes are Obama's way to stop you from thriving too fast.
8. Reading an omnibus tax bill before signing it is bad luck.
9. If an entitlement program is off budget, it's free.
10. Back room deals rock!
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Need a funny Obama one liner for a T-shirt, bumper sticker or Twitter post? Click Obama One Liners to find the one you need.
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The Obama administration is the meth lab of democracy.
Tip o'the hat to Jon S.
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Readers send us jokes. Lots of jokes. So many jokes. (Please, don't send me the watermelon joke again.) Click Reader Jokes to see what we've been getting in our e-mail.
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The Obama economy has gotten so bad that we just have to find ways to make lemonade out of lemons. Then Obama will be able to raise taxes on lemons.
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The idea of Obama as President is funny all by itself. Click POTUS Jokes and see the proof.
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Q. How does President Obama intend to fix America's path to citizenship for illegal aliens? A. He's going to add high speed lanes.
Tip o'the hat to Milo H.
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There are so many Obama jokes that we've got an overflow section. Click More Obama Jokes to check 'em out.
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Have you heard about the new Obama Happy Meal for kids at McDonalds? It comes with a promise that they'll get a toy someday.
Tip o'the hat to John V.
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President Obama, at an appearance with Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard, used the occasion to deride the taste of Vegemite, a vegetable paste breakfast food that is popular in Australia. It seems that Obama has finally found something that he can actually look down on.
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The left worships Obama. Everybody else laughs at him. Click Obama Messiah Jokes to share in the heresy.
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Next year, 2011, Groundhog Day and Obama's State of the Union address will occur on the same date. One event involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, while the other involves a groundhog.
Tip o'the hat to Rudi.
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Funny Obama videos? We got 'em. Click Obama Videos to watch 'em.
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Q. What is the difference between Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama?
A. Jimmy is the worst President in the 20th Century.
Tip o'the hat to Megan.
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Barrack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disney World & Barrack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One.' The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes. Barrack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them.' The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset.' Barrack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped. The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.'
Tip o'the hat to "Please don't use my name!"
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Q. What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?
A. Undocumented Democrats.
Tip o'the hat to OEB.
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