disclaimer -
none of the attached is my original work
but i do think this is quite funny.....
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"Wiiiiilliam Gaaaates..."
"Oh, hi, Satan. What's up downstairs?"
"It's tiiiiime..."
"Yeah, but we're still debugging Memphis, and
Ballmer swears he'll wipe out Adobe before lunch,
and Melinda wants to change the tile in the third-
floor kitchen again, and..."
"Sorry, Bill. I've given you too many extensions
already, not to mention the Oracle8 launch event
disaster, not to mention Steve Jobs' head on a
platter."
"Yeah, that was a good one. I think you enjoy
this as much as I..."
"Regardless, a deal's a deal. Your soul is mine,
Bill Gates. And today is the day you pay your
eternal debt to me."
"Now, let's be reasonable here, Satan..."
"Reasonable?!? You want reasonable?!? You're
the richest man in the world! You've got a
beautiful wife and daughter! Microsoft is the
most powerful company on the planet! We're even
using NT to run hell's WAN server! And frankly,
it sucks. That's one of the reasons I've come
to collect. If you can't get my network to run
right, you'll spend the afterlife writing
Windows applications that run on doorbells..."
"What's your alternative, Satan? Netware?
AppleTalk? OS/2? You're a funny guy for
someone who breathes fire."
"Well, God is porting all his heaven-critical
applications to Java..."
"Java?!? Stop it, Satan. You're going to make
me wet my pants again like that time you told
me to buy Novell for $50 a share."
"Yes, Java, running on Sun servers, IBM plumbing
and Oracle databases with thin clients accessing
the apps via the web through Netscape Navigator."
"That's not a solution, that's one of those
Grimm's fairy tales that scare children to death.
I have yet to see an NC actually being used to
do anything except crash during demonstrations.
Look, Java is a nice little language for
animating web sites, but Shockwave after too
many espressos isn't going to displace Windows
as an applications platform on hundreds of
millions of PCs."
"Nevertheless, Java is the future of computing,
and I'll be damned if I'm going to give God a
strategic technology advantage!"
"Satan, what if I told you I could kill off Java
with a single word?"
"Interesting. Tell me more."
"Wait a minute. What's in it for me?"
"I promise I won't turn you into Larry Ellison's
bidet right this second."
"Okay, that works for me. Here's the word...
disable."
"Disable what?"
"Disable Java support in Internet Explorer."
"You mean Microsoft's web browser won't run
Java anymore?"
"That's right, brimstone breath. You want to
run Java, give Netscape 50 bucks per seat and
pray that IBM doesn't buy the company to merge
Communicator with Lotus Notes."
"The Department of Justice will..."
"Will what? Punish me because I won't support
a product my enemies want to use to destroy my
company? Chevrolet dealers don't have to sell
Fords. Pepsi's restaurants don't have to offer
Coke. Why does Microsoft have to support Java?"
"It's an industry standard..."
"It's an industry hallucination."
"There will be a public outcry..."
"From who? Network managers? MIS? The CIO?
They're up to their nosehairs in Cobol getting
ready for January 1, 2000. To them, Java is
still a cute word for coffee."
"What about all those spiffy applets on
thousands of web sites?"
"Microsoft owns 100 percent of the Apple and
Windows preload market for browsers, and our
overall share has gone from zero to half in two
years. It's a safe bet most people will soon use
IE for web access. If they come to a site that
doesn't work because of Java, they'll simply
jump to the next one. Trust me, developers
will switch to ActiveX faster than you can say
'Playstation.'"
"What about other platforms..."
"Like Intel has competition?"
"Interactive TV..."
"We call it WebTV in Redmond."
"Venture capitalists have invested billions..."
"To get a date with Kim Polese."
"Sun will write a plug-in..."
"Not without the hidden APIs."
"Of all my minions, you are my very favorite,
Bill. You may stay."
"Thanks, Satan. Now, about that Exchange
license agreement..."
-justinb |
