June 13, 2012 To Boost Popularity, Romney Sprinkles Self with Bacon Hits Campaign Trail with Zesty Meat Topping COLUMBUS, OHIO ( The Borowitz Report) – In what some are calling a move designed to help him connect better with voters, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney today began sprinkling himself with bits of bacon before each campaign appearance.
According to one campaign staffer, the decision to sprinkle Mr. Romney with a zesty meat topping was inspired by Burger King’s announcement that it would soon be selling a Bacon Sundae at its fast-food restaurants.
“Apparently, everything is a little more palatable with bacon on top,” the staffer said. “Even Mitt Romney.”
As part of the bacon rollout, the campaign changed its official slogan today from “Romney: Believe in America” to “Romney: Now with Yummy Bacon.”
The newly meat-flavored Romney appeared at a rally in Columbus, where his audience gave his generous sprinkling of bacon bits a tentative thumbs-up.
“I thought his speech was kind of boring,” said Carol Foyler, 44, a receptionist for a Columbus law firm. “But he smelled delicious.”
Not so impressed, however, was computer programmer Tracy Klugian, 25: “I was sitting in the front row, and I’m pretty sure Romney’s bacon bits were fake.”
Burger King’s launch of its Bacon Sundae has already had repercussions for its principal rival, McDonald’s, who today announced plans to introduce a new McDeathwich. Get a free subscription to the Borowitz Report here. |
