I've been called by these guys.
The first thing I do is check the time. My old record of tying them in knots is 75 minutes, and I ALWAYS try to set a new record. I award myself extra points for every time I can get them to escalate me to a higher level of "technical expertise."
They usually begin with a pitch about how my system is compromised. To solidify their position, they have me check Event Viewer, and point me toward a series of error messages. (They're flagged in RED, so they're extra scary!) These events occur at boot time, when Windows checks for services that haven't had time to start; hence, the error message in the logs. They DON'T indicate a problem.
Of course, I react with alarm. If my husband is around, I put him on the phone too. (He's fluent in a few languages and switches among them excitedly.) I then mistype everything the guy says I should do. I'm too upset to think straight. Every instruction must be repeated several times. I interrupt him after every third or fourth word. I intersperse this behaviour with protracted periods of silence too. And my favourite: When we're close to getting something competed, I tell him I accidentally kicked the plug out of the wall and we need to start over after my system re-boots. (This is a good time for a bathroom break.)
I take full advantage of their technical abilities. I ask questions about my car, the TV, and why my phone needs charging so often. I comment on how I enjoy curry, and ask if his wife is a good cook. Sometimes, I cannot contain myself and begin to giggle. I tell them they have a sexy voice.
When I sense they're catching on, I mention that quirky phone battery again and hang up.
It's so nice to be retired and have tons of spare time!
Cheers, PW. |
