Michele Bachmann: ‘God Wants Me To Earn 7 Figures For A Lobbying Firm’
News • Politics • News • ISSUE 49•22 • May 29, 2013
theonion.com 
Bachmann said the Lord and Savior urged her to consider the considerable financial benefits offered by live speaking gigs.
WASHINGTON—Saying that it’s the Lord’s will, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann announced on her website Wednesday that she has decided not to seek reelection in 2014 because God wants her to earn millions of dollars working for a high-powered lobbying firm.
According to Bachmann, God spoke to her directly after many days of intense prayer and ultimately told the exiting Congresswoman that there is no reason she should only make $174,000 per year when she could easily earn up to eight times that amount in the private sector.
“This was a difficult decision for me, but God said this is a highly lucrative opportunity and I need to capitalize on my fame now before my high media profile diminishes,” said Bachmann, adding that the Supreme Being commanded her to “strike while the iron’s hot” and work for a conservative lobbying group like FreedomWorks or the John Birch Society or whichever one offers her the most money. “I would love to stay on and represent Minnesota’s 6th congressional district, but who am I to ignore God’s plan, which He said could earn me over $10 million next year and over $20 million the following year if I invest wisely, which God wants me to do as well.”
“God also wants me to make a lot of money on the speaking circuit,” Bachmann added.
During the announcement, Bachmann said that in addition to working for a lobbying firm, the Lord and Savior urged her to sign a book deal with a multi-million-dollar advance, become a regular contributor to Fox News, and hire a television agent in case there is money to be made either by producing television shows or being the star of a reality program that centers around her. |
