Ted Cruz’s Dad: Obama is maybe a Muslim, is definitely trying to get old people to commit suicide
In Politics by Robyn Pennacchia
Oct 1, 2013
Rafael Cruz, Ted Cruz’s dad, is kind of a hero to the Tea Party movement. He had fought with Castro against Batista, but then realized the error of his ways and is now super far right. His whole past is kind of shady, and involves a lot of bribing of immigration officials in Cuba for a VISA, supposedly went to the University of Texas without knowing a word of English, became a Canadian citizen but lived in Texas, and then gave that up when Teddy Boy ran for office.
Anyway, Daddy Cruz spoke at a Republican dinner last night in Denver, in support of his crazy-ass son. He claimed at this dinner that Obama had pledged to side with the Muslims if “the winds shifted,” which prompted an audience member to yell “He is a Muslim!” because apparently they’re all still on about that.
“McCain couldn’t say that because it wasn’t politically correct,” Cruz responded, referring to an incident in the 2008 election where McCain corrected an audience member for saying the same thing, “It is time we stop being politically correct!”
Or, you know, just correct, even. With facts. I am pretty sure the Republican Party has not been correct, politically or otherwise, for quite some time now. So don’t fret there, Mr. Cruz.
He then went on to make up a bunch of stuff about how the Affordable Care Act included “end of life counseling” every five years, to which he responded “Translation: Suicide Counseling.” Really, Ted Cruz’s dad? Really? What, are there classes? Will our elderly be able to choose from a menu of suicide options? The Sylvia Plath Gas Stove Special? The Hemingway, for our manlier types? The Jonestown Cocktail? The Virginia Woolf? The Singing Nun? The Anne Sexton? The Alexander McQueen for our more fashionable elderly? What will this counseling entail? Advice like “It’s down the river, not across the road!” Will we provide charcoal milkshakes for those who screw it up? Because if you don’t do a Tylenol overdose right you can just end up with some sever gastrointestinal issues.
I have a lot of questions about how this would work. Given that assisted suicide is against the law in this country (wrongly, I believe), it will be awfully difficult for this Sucide Counseling to be especially effective. What a waste of taxpayer money! |
