| | | "The Shutdown Affected You, Whether You Felt It or Not"
Commissarka Pinkie
10/19/2013, 12:29 pm
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My fellow comrades:
In the past, The People’s Cube has published such enlightening articles as A Day in the Life of Joe Republican and A Day in the Life of Joe Kulak. I was going to post my own contribution titled A Day in the Life of a Shutdown, or Life Without Government, until Comrade Dan Babwin of the Administration Press totally stole my idea:
The Shutdown Affected You Whether You Felt It or Not
Think the Shutdown had no effect on your pathetic, pitiful life? Think again! Oh, never mind. Now that the Government is open again, you no longer have to think—which is not to say you had to think when it was closed, because you couldn’t. You can’t. Here are some truths about the Shutdown that you never thought of because the Government wasn’t open to think of them for you:
That sausage patty on your breakfast plate was safe as ever because meat inspectors — like FBI agents — are considered "essential" and remained at work. But federal workers who inspect just about everything else on your plate — from fresh berries to scrambled eggs — were furloughed.
Unless all you had for breakfast last week was a sausage patty, you were poisoned by the Republicans, who want shut down the government because they want everyone to die so the rich can keep more of the money they stole from the poor!
At a warehouse, factory or other worksite, a young minority exposed to racial slurs by his boss had one fewer place to turn for help. Federal officials who oversee compliance with discrimination laws and labor practices weren't working, except in emergencies.
The boss in question, of course, was a Republican, who never would’ve hired the young minority if not for Affirmative Action laws. Another reason Republicans shut down the government was so they could get away with imposing their inherent racism, sexism, homophobia and assorted other hatreds of anyone who isn’t old and white and rich. They did it to force the young minorities to quit so they’d be back on the streets, thus allowing the Republicans to claim that minorities don’t want jobs, they just want to hang out on the streets waiting for the Government to give them something.
Workplaces weren't inspected by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. One result? Employees could operate dangerous equipment even if not trained or old enough to do so.
"The afternoon before the shutdown we got a complaint of a restaurant where a ... 14-year-old was operating a vertical dough mixer," said James Yochim, assistant director of the U.S. Department of Labor's wage and hour division office in Springfield, Ill. "We (were) not able to get out there and conduct an investigation."
Yochim's office also put on hold an investigation at another restaurant of children reportedly using a meat slicer.
That’s right, comrades! After bullying minorities into quitting their jobs made possible only by Government intervention, and forcing them back onto the streets where Republicans want them to die, those same Republicans gave those jobs to children—young, innocent children forced into slave labor, slicing meat and mixing dough that hadn’t been inspected by the Government. Republicans did this so they wouldn't have to pay wages, thus allowing them to hoard more of their ill-gotten wealth; also because they hate children but don’t want to abort them, because they think it’s more fun to bring them into the world and then work them to death!
But if something went wrong, such as the mysterious case of a Chicago "ghost train," people were left in the dark.
On the last day of September, an empty Chicago Transit Authority train somehow rumbled down the tracks and crashed into another train, injuring a few dozen passengers. The National Transportation Safety Board dispatched investigators, and they kept working when the shutdown started the next day because they were "essential." But the agency furloughed others whose job is to explain to the public what happened.
So millions of commuters used the transit lines without knowing more about what caused the crash.
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Obviously the Republicans caused the crash because they’re opposed to public transportation and figured if they shut down the Government, thus furloughing those whose job it is to explain to the public what happened, that this would be a great way to kill more people without getting caught!
Comrades, can you think of anything more diabolical than that?
The CDC slashed staffing at quarantine stations at 20 airports and entry points, raising chances travelers could enter the country carrying diseases like measles undetected. In the first week of the shutdown, the number of illnesses detected dropped by 50 percent, CDC spokeswoman Barbara Reynolds said. "Are people suddenly a lot healthier?" she wondered.
No, Barbara. For what purpose does Government exist but to look for problems where none exist, and where none exist, to conjure them up so as to create the need for more Government programs and best of all, more Government funding? And for what purpose do Republicans exist but to slash that funding, eliminate those programs, just so they can kill people who weren't even at risk until the Government came up with the notion they were?
Children learned the meaning of shutdown when they got home and booted up computers to do homework. From the U.S. Census bureau site to NASA maps, they were greeted by alerts that said government sites were down "due to the shutdown."
Linda Koplin, a math teacher in Oak Park, a Chicago suburb, asked her sixth-grade pupils to use a reliable online source to find the highest and lowest elevations.
"They were able to find all the elevations for the rest of the continents but they couldn't find information for their continent," Koplin said.
It was the same at New Trier High School in Winnetka, Ill., where social studies teacher Robin Forrest said government statistics are more important because of so much dubious information on the web.
"We try to steer our kids toward websites and databases that are legitimate, the same way we would college students," he said.
Do you see what happened here, comrades? Because Republicans shut down children’s only sources for doing their homework, the children will now be bringing home failing grades.And Republicans will point to that as proof that public education is itself a failure and should be totally defunded just like Obamacare! Then they’ll insist on stealing that money and diverting it to vouchers that parents can use to send their children to private schools, where they’ll be indoctrinated in right wing ideology and allowed to consult sources other than Government websites, when the Government is the only reliable, legitimate source of information on anything!
There was a comedic effect, too. The shutdown might have saved raunchy entertainers from punishment for obscene or offensive language on late-night TV and radio.
The Federal Communications Commission investigates broadcast misbehavior only if viewers or listeners complain. During the shutdown, callers heard a voice with a familiar ring: "The FCC is closed."
There’s nothing funny about this. Such punishment would’ve consisted of hefty fines from corporations that sponsor and air the raunchy entertainers. Fines that cost the Government millions because it couldn't collect them, no thanks to the Republicans. Plus, it deprived the entertainers of the controversy and free publicity that would've ensued, thus distracting millions with something bright and shiny and stupid to draw their attention away from disgusting, Republican-engineered photo-ops, like military vets invading Washington to trespass on Government property so they can destroy more Government property, while seditious traitors like Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin egg them on, even though they’re the ones who shut down the Government in the first place! And then tried to blame it on Obama and the Democrats, all the while insisting that most Americans weren't the least bit affected by any of it!
Well, you WERE affected by it! You don’t realize it, but you were! Your life has been ruined because the Republicans shut down the Government! Do you hear me? RUINED! You almost DIED! Still don’t believe me? Behold my shovel!
WHACK!!!
Now do you accept the truth?
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