[Off Topic] Night before Christmas -- PC version
Twas the night Christmas and Santa's a Wreck
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His worker no longer would answer to Elves,
Vertically challenged they were calling themselves.
And labor condition at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stife the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wild by the Humane Society.
And the Equal Employment Agency made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with four pigs, and you know that looked stoopid
The runner had been removed from his sleigh,
The rut were termed dangerous by the EPA
And people started calling for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers frightened.
His fur-trimmed red suit was called Unenlightened.
And to show you the ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over the unauthorized use of his nose
And had on Geraldo, in front of the nation.
Demanding millions in compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life.
Joined a self-help group, packed and left in a whiz.
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er a notion
that making a choice could cause such a commotion.
nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him and nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construted to pollute
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing to clamored or made alot of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
And fairy tales, while not forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no footbal, someone could get hurt.
Beside playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were to be sexist and should passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, Disheveled, perplexed;
he could not figure out what to do next.
he tried to be married, tried to be gay.
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was empty, limp to the ground.
Nothing fully acceptable could be found.
Something was need, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satify, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion.
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere, even you
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth
May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.
Just in the mood |
