the coconut's short essay re her summer, sent to me for correction
i suggested two corrections, marked in red font
Summer-In a Nutshell
A stick; meant to depict something done in the summer that will stick with me forever. Ah yes, I know what event I can write about; the very event playing in my mind’s eye. A bear snuffles through the Finnish forest into a clearing - a clearing dominated by a mirror of a pond reflecting the cerulean sky above, with the whole place an epitome of peace and quiet. Water birds flock around laid out food, the very thing that baited out the bear. A small, abandoned-looking hut is where I lie, along with an antsy brother, excited mother, and the one calm person, our tour guide. We were the ones who put out the food, speeding up the process of our bear watching tour; a part of our sightseeing in the small town of Kuhmo, Finland. When the bear finally comes out, my mother and I shriek in delight, our cameras’ memory filling up with bear photos as everyone cranes to see. More bears follow, and though, just as soon as they appear, leave, the memories won't, as this experience will forever be stuck in my mind.
A rock; meant to represent something that rocked. This event I remember well; in Kuhmo, Finland, an audience's applause thunders through the Kumho Performing Arts Center as the MC appears while I follow. Being invited to exhibit my Chinese paintings at Kuhmo Chamber Music Festival payed off wonderfully, with my art being a central figure in one of the concerts that I would be interviewed in, as well as having my “magnum opus,” a {four-foot long} a four foot long Chinese painting of roses, exhibited on the stage floor. The MC warms up with some jokes, then proceeds with a short interview. Questions about how I’m enjoying Finland arise, as well as my painting technique and schedule. Translations of my answers into Finnish for the benefit of the native audience are made, and the concert starts. The music swells throughout the hall, perfectly encapturing my paintings of nature with spring themed music, enrapturing the audience. Afterwards, seeing how much people truly loved my work was a great source of pride for me, and, just like the concert, was an experience that truly rocked.
A leaf; the one negative symbol-what you would rather leaf (leave) behind. This is an event that, though I would rather forget, may just as well as be seared into my mind; I anxiously wait in the Frankfurt Lufthansa Office, anticipating the arrival of a chaperone to take me to my second solo flight of the day; the one that would take me into the safe arms of my mother, and to the lesser extent brother. Instead, the wait is stretched up from 2 hours to 9 hours, leaving me alone and translator less in Germany, with the closest friendly face being two thousand kilometers away. As I stay in the wait room, literally lost in translation, a sigh is heard by others; my phone has run out of battery with 6 hours yet to go. When the clock strikes midnight, and after what seems to be a millenia, my ticket out of {Frankfurt} frankfurt arrives. I run to the chaperone, then to the plane, and finally into the embrace of my mother. Being truly alone for one day, the company of familiar faces is even more cherished, and, hopefully, the incident will forever be out of sight and out of mind. |
