Oh, Jim, I would never criticise my dear friends but their advice is sucky and all wrong. Don't listen to them. They mean well, but are so blind and narrow-minded that they can't possibly be perfect, although I'm very fond of them anyway and wouldn't want to hurt their feelings for anything. There is only one true way to achieve perfection, which of course, I practice. It is known as P4---the Pathologically Passive Path to Perfection, sometimes known as the Southern Belle Technique and it's deceptively simple. One must always, always be nice, no matter what creepy, terrible things people say and do. This way, you present a big, mushy, icky target, that no one really wants to shoot at not only because it's so unrewarding and unpleasant to touch, but because the P4 technique, when followed stringently, gives the appearance of slight mental retardation. This has the additional effect of making people feel bad about themselves for being small enough to pick on you, a defective, pitiful personality. Of course, the danger in this path is that you develop colitis and weird nervous tics, but there is always a price to pay for perfection.
The P4 is not for everyone, but I feel sure you could be brilliant at it, with the additional benefit of shocking people into silence with your unusual behavior. If I can help, please ask. I am always eager to be of service and would love to say sweet things to you, no matter what. DOn't tell J and A that I said they were sucky, though. That would be so out of character for me and I would feel so terrible about it. |
