| | | Canadians prohibited from acting smug, and other decisions from Trump’s Supreme Court — ;-)
David Updike is an editor at the Philadelphia Museum of Art
'In a 5-to-4 vote, the U.S. Supreme Court today upheld a new border enforcement policy requiring Canadians not to “act all smug and superior” upon entering the United States “or at any time during their (hopefully brief) visit.” In a sweeping endorsement of the policy’s stated goal of preserving America’s “self-image as the greatest country in the history of the universe,” the majority agreed that Canadians must refrain from uttering sentences beginning with “Well, in Canada…” or “Justin Trudeau, on the other hand…” They are also forbidden from “using excessive politeness to mask disdain” and “showing off their bilingual abilities by speaking French or French-accented English.” A separate provision banning any Canadian named Justin from entering the country was struck down. During oral arguments, the usually taciturn Justice Clarence Thomas had pushed back against the measure, noting that Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself was “the kiss-off track of the decade.” In lieu of writing a dissent, the court’s four liberal justices stood outside the courthouse in Toronto Maple Leafs jerseys and sang O Canada, followed by a medley of songs by Neil Young, Gordon Lightfoot and Joni Mitchell.
[...]
In a 5-to-4 vote, the U.S. Supreme Court today upheld a new Environmental Protection Agency regulation requiring all electric and gas-electric hybrid cars to be retrofitted with coal stoves. The stoves, which will burn both anthracite and bituminous coal, are part of a new policy that aims to offset the “carbon deficit” caused by more fuel-efficient automobiles, as well as to revive the foundering U.S. coal industry. Toyota Prius owners, for example, will be required to purchase and incinerate enough coal to bring their emissions up to those of a Cadillac Escalade carrying six passengers and “stuffed to the gills with recreational gear.” In a dissent signed by all four liberal jurists, Justice Sotomayor wrote, “Help.”
... All four liberal justices were last seen in a late-model Prius headed toward the Canadian border.'
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