| | | Outrageous: Thousands Of Russian Trolls Are Taking Jobs Away From Hard-Working American Trolls
November 13th, 2018
STEPHENVILLE, TX—MemeLord_420 was just your average American millennial, living a cushy life in his mother’s basement and writing hurtful comments on the internet—that is, until he lost his job after infamous hacker-conglomerate 4chan began outsourcing 74% of its meme production to Russia.
“How am I supposed to provide for my family now?” questioned the unemployed 38-year-old, referring to his pet Iguana and My Little Pony doll collection. “There’s just no place in today’s beta-cuck world for an openly inflammatory white male with no people skills and moderate to severe body odor.”
But it’s not just 4chan. A new study from the Pew Research Center shows that trolls across the country are losing their jobs to Russians at an alarming rate. President Trump has vowed to return American trolling to its former glory by enacting tariffs on imported memes, but critics are skeptical as to whether the proposed policies will hold water.
“Foreigners aren’t stealing their jobs! These Pepe-pushing dinosaurs just weren’t able to adapt to the times,” dissented 12-year-old content creator, TidePodSoufflé, who earns $2.3 million a year streaming Fortnite videos on Twitch and who, sources say, invented the word “yeet.” "If your memes aren't dank enough, you're going to lose out in today's competitive marketplace. That's just business."
Regardless of the cause, national troll unemployment is at an all-time high, especially shocking since the vast majority of those affected have never worked a day in their lives. Yet in a feat of the human spirit, tirelessly, selflessly, they press on for a better tomorrow, polluting the interwebs with vitriol, not for fame or fortune, but simply “4 the lulz.” |
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