How To Talk To Someone About Their Anti-White Racism And Defensiveness
Defensiveness is a very common barrier to overcoming racism.
It’s hard to talk about racism without talking about defensiveness. That instinct that shuts down meaningful reflection by insisting “I’m not prejudiced,” or that knee-jerk rejection to criticism by someone in a marginalized group that you’re not a part of, is a very strong one. For everyone, learning to recognize that universal tendency in ourselves can help us make progress.
“Defensiveness is a way that we protect ourselves from threats — threats to our psychological safety, or to our self-worth, or to our wellbeing,” said Toronto psychologist Dr. Taslim Alani-Verjee.
For a lot of people, being told something they did or said is racist operates as a blow to their self-esteem.
“No one wants to acknowledge that they’re racist,” Alani-Verjee told HuffPost Canada. “We reject the person’s claim, usually bring up all of the reasons why we’re not racist in the process. And we end up potentially silencing or further marginalizing the individual who is bringing it up.”
“Calling me the w-word or wearing white face, those aren’t the ways that I face racism day-to-day.”
Heather Effah, a social worker and colleague of Alani-Verjee, says one of the biggest barriers to understanding is the way people bristle at the word “racist,” because they think it can only mean something very overt and extreme that they don’t identify with.
“For many people, the word ‘racism’ is linked to these overt methods — you know, lynching, and calling someone the n-word and other racial slurs. Nobody wants to be called racist by that definition,” Effah, who is White, told HuffPost Canada.
“However, in my experience, calling me the W-word or wearing Whiteface, those aren’t the ways that I face racism day-to-day. Those overt methods aren’t the only issues that White people are referring to when we use that word.”
Defensiveness is expressed in different ways. People might refuse to listen to criticism, or reject it outright. They might say they “don’t see colour.” They might talk about fighting racism on social media, but privately use their privilege to punish White people who challenge them. They might start crying and talking about their own feelings, pivoting attention away from the injustice.
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