Why did 1/5 get a massage?
Because he was 2/10.
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My fishing buddy said I would probably catch just as many fish if I took the worm off the hook.
That was debaitable.
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What do you call the Mexican dish made with one thousand inch worms:
Inchalottas.
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My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires
When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said “That's inflation for you”.
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I saw a man with a bucket on his head.
When i asked what he was doing, he explained "I always wear a bucket on my head on Monday."
"But today is Tuesday?" I asked.
He blushed. "Oh no, I must look like such an idiot!”
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Why do the men who have fruit fetishes turn out to be an even number?
Because they always come in pears.
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Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win.
He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.
A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .
He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..
The winning number was 707.
Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life.
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As we were walking down the driveway with the garbage cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?”
Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't.”
I continued, "Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!”
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What do you call two tapeworms with glasses?
Parasites. |
