Tenchu's Thoughts: How To Plandemic
Greetings comrades! My name is Tenchu Jinping, and today I will be giving my how-to guide on starting what is commonly referred to as a "plandemic."
Why start a "plandemic"? Because it is no secret that I want the People's Republic of China to become the dominant superpower in the world. Right now, that title is held by the evil United States of America, but they are in decline, and they don't deserve that title anymore. Therefore, it is up to us, the Chinese, to lead the world into a new era of peace and prosperity.
So without further ado, here are my tips on how to plandemic.
Tip #1: Make sure the virus is DEADLY
I hear it all the time, that COVID-19 is "jUsT lIkE tHe fLuUuUuUuU!"
Well if that's the case, then there would be no pandemic, right? And the key word in "plandemic" is "pandemic." Or something like that.
Because no one is going to shut down economies because of something that is virtually indistinguishable from seasonal flu.
No one is going to bother with testing, wearing masks, socially distancing, and all that crap, if the virus isn't a big fuckin' deal.
Maybe the rich capitalists in America can afford to do fake shit like that, but poorer countries like Mexico, India, South Africa, and our little Chosun brothers in North Korea can't afford to play along.
Plus the global media will quickly catch on when they notice that the death tolls are fake.
Therefore, the deaths must be real, and the deaths must be confirmed by doctors and scientists to be due to the virus that we will release.
We need to see bodies floating down the Ganges River.
We need to see bodies being exhumed in Mexico to make room for the real deaths that we will cause thanks to our "plandemic."
We need to see ice rinks in Spain turned into temporary morgues.
We need New York to overflow their mass graveyard on Hart Island with bodies.
Otherwise, the media would not bother to cover a virus that is "jUsT lIkE tHe fLuUuUuUuU." The deaths have to be real. If it bleeds, it leads.
Tip #2: For Confucious' Sake, DON'T RELEASE THE VIRUS IN YOUR HOME COUNTRY!
I mean, come on, this should be freakin' obvious.
Even if we do live in a "woke culture" where we try and sanitize the language from any hints of "racism" (ha ha), people aren't THAT ignorant. They will remember where the virus originated. They will remember which country had to deal with it first. They will remember where the virus spread from.
I for one would NEVER do that to my beloved China.
Besides, think about what would happen if I made a dumbass mistake like, you know, releasing the virus in the SAME CITY WHERE A LAB THAT IS STUDYING RESPIRATORY CORONAVIRUSES RESIDES.
The demand for Chinese-made goods will drop substantially.
The global view of China will turn unfavorable. They might even favor America over China once again.
Racism against Chinese all across the world would skyrocket, especially in developing nations like South Africa where we Chinese want to increase our influence.
Hence it makes more sense to release the virus somewhere that is far, far away from your home country.
If you asked me, I would release the virus in America, maybe in a population center like New York or Los Angeles. The international traffic through those two cities, combined with the density of people living, working, and shopping there, will ensure a rapid spread of the virus without leaving many clues as to the origins of the virus.
Then instead of the "Wuhan virus," the world can call it the "New York Flu" or "COVID-LA." Or something like that.
And unlike the name "Wuhan virus," which is actively being censored by American social media, no one will bother censoring a name like the "American Flu" or the "New York Virus" or "COVID-LA."
Tip #3: Make Sure To Be The Hero
So you made sure the virus is deadly. People have to DIE, or else there is no "plandemic." Period.
You also made sure that the virus isn't easily traced back to your home country. (Because it would SUCK if, you know, the Wuhan Institute of Virology became a household name.)
But now what? You create a massive "plandemic," but if you don't profit from it, then what's the point?
Well here's your chance to come in and be the savior!
How?
Well for starters, you can become the main supplier of PPE equipment, ventilators, toilet paper, and all the other goods whose demand will skyrocket because of the "plandemic." But that's chump change. That's just commodities, and superpowers are never built upon being the lower-cost provider of commodities.
Instead, you actually need to rescue people from the "plandemic."
You need to be the first to come up with a vaccine. You also need to be the first to come up with treatments for those who are already infected.
Because what would happen if, for example, those evil American capitalists beat you to the vaccine? What if they get global approval for their vaccines FIVE MONTHS before your vaccines get approval? And what if their vaccines turn out to be much better than yours?
Then quite frankly, you will have lost a golden opportunity.
Therefore, you should already have a vaccine in development BEFORE you start the "plandemic."
And YOU need to be the first to introduce it to the world.
But not too soon, of course. Don't skip Phase 3 trials, like Comrade Vladdie did only to create global skepticism regarding his "Sputnik-V."
Make SURE your vaccine works, is well-tested, and causes no serious side effects. And make sure you can have that vaccine available before anyone else.
Because it would be embarrassing to lose out to a company that makes boner pills:
Final Tip: Never underestimate the power of denial
Finally, I leave you with this.
Some of my advisors tell me that the "plandemic" will never work.
They say that people will catch on.
They say that people can smell a rat from a mile away.
They say that once there is a clear-cut solution to the "plandemic," like viable vaccines and what not, it will all fall apart, because people are smart.
Well, first of all, I have dealt with those advisors accordingly. They will spend the rest of their lives in a re-education camp, each with one less kidney.
Secondly, to anyone else who would question my wisdom, I say this. Never underestimate the power of denial.
It's this power that will make people continue to act as superspreaders of the virus, especially as they tout their "free-dumbs."
It's this power that will make them hesitant to take any vaccine that would end this "plandemic" once and for all, because they think that their "nAtUrAl iMmUnItY" will keep them safe.
(I mean, WTF are they thinking? Why do we even have modern medicine if "nAtUrAl iMmUnItY" worked so well? Why would that Jew Jonas Salk have to invent the very concept of a vaccine if "nAtUrAl iMmUnItY" was sufficient? But I digress.)
It is not my place to question why they would think that way. I am not here to make sense out of a crazy world. I am here to dominate it.
And it's precisely this level of craziness that proves that the world needs smart, intelligent leaders like me.
Because if people actually listened to facts, logic, and moral reasoning, freedom and liberal democracies might succeed. But they won't, which means my victory will be guaranteed.
Sincerely,
President for Life Tenchu Jinping |
