*AV* -- Best day of my life was when my Damien was ripped from his mother's womb. It was my first child, and I did all the right things.
Forced my wife to take the vitamins, drink buckets of milk, exercise, see the doctor, etal. You know, with all the sadomasochistic obsessive compulsive Engineering discipline and behaviors. Nine months of making sure my wife was doing it correctly (never mind she had 2 previous pregnancies that yielded daughters).
We did it my way since I had all the book knowledge and she just had practical field experience. From the beginning there was no way I was going to let this embryo turn into another female, so we did everything to ensure it was going to be a male child. I knew proper diet, voodoo, and positive thinking would overcome genetics.
Well, it worked with just one little hitch. My petite wife was carrying a 12lb 10oz bundle of joy. This entity was heavier and bigger than her first two daughters COMBINED. Simple mathematical measurements, an ultrasound, and his determination NOT to be born (locked his knees across her rib cage), resulted in him taking a scene out "MacBeth". Now a teenager, the phrase "not of woman born" has added meaning.
Talk about your perfect Engineering Project. By comparison, our 10 yr old daugher was born so fast, if you blinked, you missed the onset of labor and the delivery. By then, I we the process well defined and streamlined<GGG>.
But for all his faults (dragging me into Boy Scouts and making me fish and ski, remote control vehicles, aggravating the other multitudes of females in the house, and telling me the lamest jokes on earth), he is my buddy for life. I can even overlook the occasional "C" in a school he gets but the pitch fork goes right through my butt and into my heart when the demon brings home the "F" in band.
How do you flunk Band??? Simple, you don't hand in your practice card and when you do, you don't lie about how little you practiced.
As for me, the Retroactive Active Abortion would be used on the oldest girls living with us. It would be used as a threat to keep the younger two in line. Time for these ladies to move on, find a cavemen pf their own, move out, and drive them crazy. They have driven me nutzoid long enough.
AV |
