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Pastimes : Metaphysics and Spiritual Practices

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To: Yorikke who wrote (456)	2/7/1998 8:07:00 AM
From: Yorikke	Read Replies (2) of 650

I just spent a few hours on the phone with a good friend and went back and looked up that post ghunk has been so kind to credit me with....and in the darkness of the evening I wonder at the passage of time...and yearn for the repetition of the simple rituals that confirm the relevancy of my existance. What does one do when life goes bust and all one's friends shake their heads....why is a loser's song such a disgrace? How can these zero risk takers even guess at the game? But don't you know they know a loser from a winner when they are told the difference... I have lived my life enduring uncertain commitmants. (I was commited but knew not the outcome of my commital). Yet most have proved to be a betterment on my development...though they are so long term that the pay off has occasionly been met with disbelief....nd even ridicule. My fiend accussed me of talking about nothing but money...no no I said it is about stocks and believing in an investment. Same thing she said.. How could money and my investments have anything to do with each other I asked. Its all money she said No No you don't understand, I couldn't sell most of this for what the brokers would steal from me....its all sunk cost..... There you go again talking money, she says with disdain. No.No. How can you talk money about something that you cann't sell. I'm talking about believing. About commital. If I was rich you would accept that, but I'm not so you have to accept my commital... Its bullshit, she says, you could come home now and you'd be home. The hell with commital....come home and go to the volcano's with me...what's that worth..... everything I answer.... You don't need money for that, just time. Ahhh time I think....I aint't got the time.....not like when I had nothing...now I cann't do what I want but I get paid for it..."In a few months I say" In a few months the strawberry guava's will be gone...she giggles. Its an old joke and hurts all the more for the intimacy it provokes... Hey...I'm commitied I say.... I might be wrong, I know I'm crazy, I know you can not wait forever.... OK she says..... and I walk away from the endless convesation knowing I didn't say I'm sorry...... God Save us sinners! regards from the damned mnmuench

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