A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.
They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked,
- "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?"
- "I had tolio as a child," he answered.
- "You mean polio?" she asked.
- "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing.
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
- "What's wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
- "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
- "You mean measles?" she asked.
- "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
- "Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess…. Dicktheria?”
(alternative ending…smallcocks)
—
Cannibal chief: What's your job?
Victim (already in cooking pot): I'm a news editor.
Cannibal chief: Good news, you'll soon be editor-in-chief.
—
Henry Winkler sits down on an airplane. The flight attendant comes over and asks he “Would like free head phones."
He responds “Sounds great. But it’s pronounced Fonz.”
—
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail with illegible addresses…
One day, a letter came addressed in shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
“Dear God,
I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna”
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.
All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:
“Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends about your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.
Sincerely, Edna” |
