A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see a well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr.Chang, so she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose." The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr.Chang then said, "OK,now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.
Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.”
—
Forgive me Father. "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month" Nookie Green seems to be very popular with my male parishioners the priest thinks. Then, he tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."
Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."
This time the priest has to ask, "Who is Nookie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies.
"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."
The priest leaves the church wondering who in the world is Nookie Green?
The next morning in church the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon, when suddenly a gorgeously tall woman enters.
All the men's eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest.
Her dress is green and way too short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.
The priest and alter boys gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress, sits with her legs slightly spread apart.
The priest turns to the alter boy and asks, "Is that Nookie Green?"
The alter boy's eyes are popping out of his head, as he replies "No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes!" |
