Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do.”
Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers.”
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2021. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?”
Jon says, "Well, I couldn't pick 'em up.”
—
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”
The art collector replied, “I’ve had an awful day; let’s hear the good news first.” The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife
today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think
she could be right.” Saul replied enthusiastically, “Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You’ve just made my day.
Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?” The attorney replied, “The pictures are of you with your secretary.”
—
Why don’t Americans make jokes about mass shootings?
Because it’s always too soon. |
