What did Santa give his reindeer with indigestion?
Elk-a-seltzer
—
Who is the best karaoke singer at the North Pole?
Elf-as-Presley
—
Sister Mary asked her students, "Does anyone know what part of your body goes to heaven first?”
Little Johnny excitedly raised his hand in the back, but Sister Mary, with a practiced smile, called on Suzy instead.
"The heart, Sister," Suzy declared, "because that's where we hold our love for Jesus!”
"A delightful answer, Suzy," Sister Mary beamed. "Does anyone else have a different thought?”
Johnny's hand shot up again, but Sister Mary hesitated. Instead, she addressed another student, Margaret.
"The brain, Sister," Margaret said confidently, "because that's where we contemplate Jesus and his teachings.”
"Great answer, Margaret! I appreciate your thoughtful response.”
Finally, only Johnny's hand remained raised. Begrudgingly, Sister Mary called on him.
"Yes, Johnny?”
"The feet, Sister," Johnny said.
Sister Mary raised an eyebrow. "Okay, Johnny, why do you think your feet are the first thing to go to heaven?”
"Well, the other day, I walked into my parents' room and my mother's feet were in the air, and she was yelling, 'I'm coming, God! I'm coming!”
—
My wife just found out she's adopted
She's devastated and kept asking "Why didn't they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked me to make love to her, which led to more tears...
On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, "Who's your daddy?!" was a little insensitive. |
