Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a nice dagger.... .is it new ?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's.”
—
Roman "Can I get XL shirts here ?"
Roman shopkeeper: "Are you sure you want that many ?”
—
My daughter took a Roman Numeral math test
I hope she gets a C
==
A boy grows up being told by his mother never to touch a woman's private parts because "They have teeth!”
One day when he's older he starts seeing a lovely girl who he begins to fall in love with.
Things are going great, but she starts to feel frustrated at his lack of sexual progression with her. Finally, she decides to broach the subject. She says, "hey, I really like you and I'm really getting into our relationship but howcome whenever we're making out you never touch my pussy, I'd love it if you did”.
“Oh no" he says, my mom always told me, "never touch a woman's private parts. They have teeth down there!”.
She says, "that's completely ridiculous and I'll prove it". She strips naked and spreads her beautiful legs apart giving him a very intimate view. "See!" she says, "No teeth!”
The, young man crouches down and looks carefully... "No wonder" he says. "Look. At the state of your gums!”
—
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over. |
