It's true that alcohol can kill people but think about how many were born because of it.
—
“Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me.”
The wife nodded dutifully, “I was, Moshe”
He labored a bit and then said, “When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again.”
The wife tearfully said, “I was, Moshe”
“And now you're at my death bed, aren't you?”, added Moshe.
The wife replied, “I am, darling.”
The old Jew sighed, “I'm starting to think you're a fucking jinx!”
—
My Uncle Martin went through an awful, gut-wrenching divorce that changed him forever. He filled the head of his son Saul - my cousin Solly - with warnings of the evil ways of women, begging him to never fall under a woman's spell. It made quite an impression; Saul dutifully stayed away from women, the way his father wanted him to. And he remained a virgin, through college, through dental school, through his residency, and even as he opened his own practice.
One day, a pretty woman walked in to Saul's dentist's office for a cleaning. They got along well, had a good conversation, and it even got a little flirty. After a while, she looked at him just so and said, "hey, if you're not busy this evening, would you care to take me for dinner?"
"I'm sorry, I can't," said Dr. Saul. "I'm flattered, but I don't consort with women."
"You don't consort with women?" she asked with a hint of a smile. "May I ask why not?"
"All women want is to seduce you," said Saul. "They try to get you in bed, then they bite your penis off with the teeth in their vagina."
"Vaginas don't have teeth!" the woman exclaimed.
"Yes they do," said cousin Saul.
"They really don't, and I can prove it!" She shuts the door, hikes up her skirt, and pulls her underwear to the side. "See?" she said. "No teeth."
"Well, no wonder!" said Saul. "Look at the condition of those gums!” |
