A teacher asks her class for some examples of medicines they know
Little Harry promptly raises his hands and says, "Tylenol! For headaches!"
The teacher says, "Very good, Harry, anyone else?"
Little Jenny answers from the back, "Um, Ambien, my Mom tells me it helps her sleep...?"
The teacher smiles at her and says, "Good job, Jenny," then turns to her class and goes on, "Listen here children, always be careful with medicines at home, okay? Now, does anyone else have another example?"
Little Johnny raises his hands slowly and says, "Viagra? For diarrhea?"
The teacher freezes for a second, before the rest of his statement hits her and she stammers out, "F-for diarrhea?"
Little Johnny explains, "Yeah, my Mom keeps telling my dad to take it, it'll harden his shit up.”
—
Two kids were arguing on the playground at recess.
"My father is better than your father!"
"No, he's not!"
"My brother's better than your brother!"
"No, he's not!"
"My mother is better than your mother"
A pause.
"Well, you got me there, my father says the same thing.”
—
Why did the paranoid schizophrenics girlfriend break up with him?
He was seeing other people.
—
I can't stand it when my wife gets Prego.
I much rather prefer her when she is on the Ragu.
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