I'm so old:
- I get nostalgic when I see Neolithic cave paintings.
- When I ask for "the finest Scotch"..............they hand me a roll of tape.
- I'm 1-year closer to being back in diapers.
- I remember when emojis were called hieroglyphics.
- I'm still doing dumb stuff, only slower.
- The other day I walked through a cemetery and two guys with shovels chased after me.
—
Husband store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in town, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Wife store
Floor 1: these women have big tits
Floor 2: nobody has ever seen it.
—
In ancient Sumeria there was an uprising against the king.
The king defeated the rebels but wanted to capture all their leaders, so sent his greatest general to hunt them down.
The remaining rebels had taken refuge in an abandoned step pyramid.
Because it was so chilly at night, they lit a fire for warmth. The general saw the smoke coming from the step pyramid and quickly seized the rebels.
And this is how we got the saying "The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats is hazardous to your stealth.” |
