A guy finds an old lamp in the desert. He rubs it and a genie pops out.
The genie tells him he has two wishes.
The guy says "I always thought it was three wishes."
The genie says "Check your pants."
The guy looks down and goes, "Woah, it's huge!"
And the genie says, "I've been doing this a long time.”
—
A Mom was driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns.
“It is not polite.”
“OK,” the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really,” the mother says, “These are personal questions and are really none of your business.”
Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”
“Those are enough questions, honestly!”
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.
“Well,” said the friend, “All you need to do is look at her driver’s license.
It’s like a report card; it has everything on it.”
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are, you are 32.”
The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”
“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.”
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”
“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.”
“Oh really?” the mother asks.
“Why?”
“Because you got an F in sex.” |
