St. Patrick’s Day jokes:
Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Paddy O'furniture!
—
Pick-up line:
Are you from Ireland?
Cause when I look at you my penis is Dublin.
—
What is the difference between St. Patrick's Day
& Martin Luther King Day ?
On St. Patrick's Day,
Everyone wants to be Irish.
—
How to speak like an Irishman:
Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked
( say them quickly )
—
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night
celebrating St Patrick's Day.
Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy".
Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then".
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. He pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again.
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
"By Jeebers.... I'm a little crocked," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says "No damn way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed".
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He pulls himself up and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"
Paddy says, "I did, Jess. I was really crocked. But how'd you know?"
"Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.”
—
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day, 'he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.' |
