Two goats were eating
a reel of movie film. One goat says to the other, "It's not as good as the book.”
--
Just been sent to jail for the first time and
spent the first half hour getting ass raped.
My Uncle Bill takes Monopoly far too seriously.
--
My wife always cheats when we play board games,
like last night, we were all playing Monopoly and she was next door screwing the neighbor!
--
I said to my doctor, "I've badly bruised my
dick in a surfing accident".
He said, "Did you fall off your board?"
I said, "No, I had to shut my laptop really quickly”
--
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at
the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool!" yells the lifeguard.
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!”--
"Dad, how do you feel about abortions?"
"Well, why don't you ask your sister?"
"But I don't have a…”
--
I saw this plus-sized chick in the bar last
night. Her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater!
I went up to her and said "Excuse me, about your T-shirt slogan."
She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well I can't help my size you know!"
I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all."
She looked happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you want to say then?."
"That's not how you spell Manatee.”
--
My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas.
"World peace" I said.
"Something more realistic!" she laughed
"Ok how about a blowjob once a week?"
She reached for the phone.
"Who are you calling?" I asked.
"The United Nations" she replied. |
